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pumpkinhead1979

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pumpkinhead1979

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  • Number of visits : 218
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Visits<b>perdix</b> - the 09/22/2013 at 2:49pm<b>Artsygirl90</b> - the 08/23/2013 at 11:17pm

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pumpkinhead1979's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a water park, and the fee to get in was $39.95. Once I got in I was really thirsty, so I got a soda and then I hear over the intercom that the park is closing due to a clog in the cleaning system. I paid 43.67 for a soda. FML

#12592660
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33725) - you deserved it (3729)

On 08/17/2010 at 10:01pm - misc - by Still Dry - United States

Today, I learned that, since getting my tongue ring, it has become imprudent to test 9-volt batteries with my tongue. FML

#10586322
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5103) - you deserved it (40693)

On 05/17/2010 at 7:09am - misc - by Zapped - United States (New York)

Today, at a debate tournament based on domestic abuse, my partner yells out, "Has anyone considered that maybe the women DESERVED to be beaten?" FML

#9141842
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38787) - you deserved it (5979)

On 03/16/2010 at 8:46pm - misc - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, my husband and I took a walk on the wharf. We walked by a Wax Museum and in front of the museum there was a bench with a very realistic wax man sitting on it. I got very close to his face and yelled over to my husband how realistic the wax man looked. Just then, he coughed. FML

#8220919
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6868) - you deserved it (29854)

On 02/13/2010 at 8:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him by handing me a ring and telling me, "Okay we're engaged now." I should have seen it coming when we started dating, I went to his house one night and as I was leaving he said, "Okay you're my girlfriend now." FML

#5407615
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38020) - you deserved it (15337)

On 09/22/2009 at 12:27am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML

#4407265
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13859) - you deserved it (53307)

On 08/09/2009 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by deflated - Ireland

Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML

#2602287
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65811) - you deserved it (9308)

On 06/04/2009 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML

#2442070
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50609) - you deserved it (7555)

On 05/30/2009 at 7:22pm - misc - by satanlovesme (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML

#1973503
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14940) - you deserved it (53630)

On 05/16/2009 at 8:21am - animals - by killer (woman) - Latvia (Riga)

Today, I went to get some teeth pulled. I had Novocaine in my gums and lip so I couldn't feel a thing. When the doctor is pulling out the last tooth, he sneezes and pulls the tooth out. He looks in my mouth and I hear, "Oh, shit..." I now have stitches in my mouth. FML

#1123097
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53466) - you deserved it (2133)

On 04/19/2009 at 4:48pm - health - by TT (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, at lunch I was running to my group's table with my friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on my belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled 'SAFE!' like a baseball umpire. FML

#877965
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65821) - you deserved it (11046)

On 04/08/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by eun (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

#527227
519 comments

I agree, your life sucks (241759) - you deserved it (32151)

On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room. FML

#283028
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (263853) - you deserved it (48297)

On 03/12/2009 at 1:53pm - intimacy - by sucks - United States



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