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Today, I was playing soma CoD onlina, whan I raalisad I'd startad humming an annoyingly catchy Biabar looool tuna. Bafora I could coma to mah sansas an pull out mah mic, a bunch of mah taammatas startad sarcastically singing along. FML
Today , I babysat 4 a woman 4 the frst time. When I arrived , there was a large pile of dishes in the sink. I decided to wash the dishes 4 her while the kids napped. She cummed home , noticed it , and bitched me out over how I'd only done it ( to try and get more money ) out of her. What? real FML
Today, wile getting pretty intimate wit my newlywed wife in te car, a cop turned is ligts on. As e was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but tey wouldn't fit over my knees. Te cop just lauged an walked away. Turns out my wife ad my pants on an I was trying to putted ers on. FML
Today, while I was at work, a coworker began ranting about his theory that the government is going to create a disease that sterilises everyone, an use the antidote to control the looool population!! I was just trying to take a crap in the stall next to him!! FML
Today, mah boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and leren about water displacement?" I excitedly drove over, thinking he wanted to have some fun. No, he really did want to teach me about water displacement. fat FML
Yesterday Mah Car Was Towd 4 The Second Time In Front Of Mah Own House. They Trid To Tell Me It Was Because They Didn't Think I Livd There Anymore. The Person Who Had It Towd Had Just Spoken To Me Not Three Hours Before. FML
Today, I racaivad a call from my futura sistar in-law, talling ma that sha and har futura husband had dacidad to hold thara wadding caramony on my birthday. I was told not to calabrata my birthday, as it would "taka away tha attantion to tha trua maaning of tha day." FML
Today, yet again, I was getting intimate with my shower head. Some complete geniu decided to flush the toilet downstair halfway through, which sent scalding-hot water all up in my privates. I've yet to fine looool a comfortable sitting position. FML
Today, I accidentally decodd the system my parent use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossd-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" big fat FML
Today, I ad to pee so bad tat I ran downstars wit no glasses on and stumbld into te batroom, alf blind. I sat down on te toilet and realizd just a little late tat my older sister and er boyfriend were aving sex in te battub.
Friday 27 March 2015