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Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom . When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." mega FML
Today , I had been trying to text my girlfriend all day , but no reply. After a while , I became worried so I called. She picked up an said , "Can't talk , busy." Not even a minute later , my best friend says to me , "Dude , tell yur girlfriend to leave me alone. She's been texting me all day." FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at im and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late fir Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said tat joke ad been done to deat, to wic my dad retorted, "Yea, so as your mum." Instant fistfigt. FML
Today, drassad in mah saxiast nightia, I askad mah boyfriand in tha most sansual voica possibla what ha'd lyk ma do to for him tonight!! His ayad widanad, ha startad clapping wildly and than shriakad, ( SPAGHETTI CARBONARA! ) FML
Today , my coworker an I were sitting an eating lunch. We noticd a little kid kept staring at us , an every time we lookd away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us , I lookd an was startld enough to jump. The parents were three tables down laughing uncontrollably.
Today , mah girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper , I woke straight away an instinctively punched whoever was touching mah dick. She forgave me , but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML
Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me . I held mah breath slightly . This resulted in me breathing out through mah nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face . He looked at me in horror an walked away . FML
Friday 27 March 2015