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Today, my two year old cousin was having a temper tantrum. I decided to give him a flashlight because playing with it usually distracts him. It didn't. Instead, he hit me in the face with it as hard as possible, leaving a bruise. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27068) - you totally deserved it (16533)
On 04/12/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my patient, a chubby little girl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 yrs old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother giving a look of shock and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (38876) - you totally deserved it (11267)
On 04/05/2009 at 12:25am - kids - by Shnur (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17467) - you totally deserved it (41405)
On 04/04/2009 at 11:40pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I tasted the rainbow. By that, I mean a homeless man hit me in the face with a bag of Skittles for not giving him money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66165) - you totally deserved it (8168)
On 04/03/2009 at 5:43am - money - by rovery (man) - United States (California)
Today, my little sister got mad at me because I wouldn't let her read my IM conversation. I took a nap and when I woke up, my laptop was gone. She took it on a trip to her grandparents' house, six hours away. Nude pictures of me and my paper due tomorrow are on the laptop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46018) - you totally deserved it (17920)
On 03/31/2009 at 1:32am - kids - by somerandomchick (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was at my bosses house for a company BBQ. Earlier I had taken muscle relaxants to calm my lower back pain. After a few drinks it was clear the alcohol and medication did not mix. I woke up few hours later to find out I had stripped naked and jumped into the 4 foot cake before passing out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20665) - you totally deserved it (51593)
On 03/30/2009 at 6:17pm - work - by Donzai (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, a 7 year old girl randomly came up to me and told me to fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard this conversation, she came up to me and told me to fuck myself as well. FML
I agree, your life sucks (87386) - you totally deserved it (5322)
On 03/30/2009 at 1:06am - kids - by Wmsys32pr9 (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66131) - you totally deserved it (23312)
On 03/29/2009 at 11:49pm - intimacy - by Cynical (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had 'something serious' to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was 2 hours long. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69117) - you totally deserved it (4492)
On 03/28/2009 at 2:40pm - intimacy - by linren (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53337) - you totally deserved it (24238)
On 03/28/2009 at 1:33pm - intimacy - by Chelsea (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend dropped me off for a class and I accidentally closed my exceptionally baggy pants in the passenger door. She didn't notice and started to drive away. I spent the next fifteen seconds being dragged across rough pavement with my pants around my ankles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41471) - you totally deserved it (20150)
On 03/28/2009 at 1:17pm - misc - by enriquegay (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was outside searching for "treasures" with my son using small plastic shovels. All of a sudden he starts screaming. He dug up the bones of our old dog. I told him that we had sent him away to live on a farm, I even helped my son write letters to the farm owners. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12471) - you totally deserved it (57792)
On 03/27/2009 at 9:05am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Austria (Vorarlberg)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. He said there was someone else, and that he has been in love with her for a while. Turns out, the new girl was his online video game character. I got dumped for a video game. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62724) - you totally deserved it (4611)
On 03/27/2009 at 1:12am - love - by w00tz (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML
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On 03/27/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by rutho (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML
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On 03/26/2009 at 9:45pm - misc - by coughandcold (woman) - United States (California)
