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princesspooky's favorite FMLs
by Say Cheese / 08/22/2011 at 1:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I watched my neighbor bring his dogs into my yard to let them empty their piss-pipes and poop-chutes. He does this twice a day. I put a "cut it out" sign up. His dogs peed on the sign and knocked it down. My lawn is a landmine of dog logs and I don't know what to do, besides installing actual landmines. FML
by wags34 / 08/22/2011 at 10:57am / United States (Arkansas) / Animals
by anonymous / 08/22/2011 at 7:04am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
Today, while at my boxing gym, an old man came inside and did the oddest drunk dance in order to serenade me. I'm a fighter and fine with taking punches to the face, but froze in terror at the sight of this. FML
by No Action Fighter / 08/22/2011 at 3:44am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I married the man of my dreams. At the after-party, my psycho grandma stood up, called for quiet, and engaged in a long rant about how this was "the beginning of the end" and advising everyone that the secret to a successful marriage is "cheating, plain and simple". FML
by Anonymous / 08/21/2011 at 4:18pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML
by Username / 08/21/2011 at 5:59am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I was taking a dump behind a dumpster. I suddenly heard a noise and a vibration against the dumpster. It was a garbage truck lifting it to collect the trash. The garbage men started laughing and took out their phones. FML
by jshi8 / 08/04/2011 at 10:35am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was taking the bus home, I sat down next to a man wearing an FML shirt. While snickering I said to him "You totally deserved it." I guess he thought that comment deserved a broken nose. FML
by Anonymous / 07/30/2011 at 5:26am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation
by Username / 07/20/2011 at 7:07pm / United States / Love
Today, I was propositioned by an incredibly pretty girl. I'm a 24 year old virgin; she's my best mate's girlfriend. She tells him everything when drunk, and he's a black-belt in karate. This could officially be classified as torture. FML
by Junktown / 07/07/2011 at 10:40am / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Love
by anonymous / 07/06/2011 at 11:21am / United States / Miscellaneous
by danam / 07/04/2011 at 10:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by thanksfyi / 07/02/2011 at 5:51pm / Norway / Love
Today, while on student exchange in Germany, I was making myself a cup of coffee. When I rummaged around in the fridge, my room-mates asked me what I was looking for. I said I wanted to put "samen" in my coffee. They laughed. Ah yes, "sahne" means "cream". "Samen" means "sperm". FML
by Hum / 07/02/2011 at 5:50pm / Switzerland (Ticino) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/02/2011 at 5:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation
- Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. We were under the covers, and my little brother thought… Today, I found out that my gorgeous, smart, perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish. It doesn't… Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded…