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Today, at work, I screamed, used one of my employees as a human shield, dove for cover, and cried. Why? A bat flew into my store. Bats scare me shitless. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11217) - you totally deserved it (5060)
On 11/17/2009 at 3:55pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I was at a party where I ate bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8967) - you totally deserved it (16000)
On 11/14/2009 at 8:37am - misc - by swedishdude (man) - Sweden (Skane Lan)
Today, I went to the movies. Not only did the movie end up being awful, but I came to my car to find out someone drew Squidward from "SpongeBob" with large letters spelling "I LIKE POTATOES!" on my windshield. In permanent marker. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15549) - you totally deserved it (1340)
On 11/14/2009 at 6:08am - misc - by squidwardpotatoes (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was shopping with my baby daughter when an older woman came up to me. She glared and said, "You know, if you kids learned how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't be a mother at 16." I'm 25. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20486) - you totally deserved it (1562)
On 11/13/2009 at 3:26pm - kids - by notateen (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I went on blind date with a guy because both our moms thought we'd like eachother. Things were going really well until I got up to go to the bathroom and he says: "My mom was right, you do have perfect breedin' hips!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (21037) - you totally deserved it (1803)
On 11/11/2009 at 7:21am - love - by Starchyld (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was teaching a ten year old how to play piano. Halfway through the lesson, she made a minor mistake, which, trying to be a good tutor, I corrected her. She smiled up at me, paused, then slammed the key cover down onto my fingers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22243) - you totally deserved it (1325)
On 11/10/2009 at 4:41pm - misc - by PiaNO (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I wore my kilt to the university I attend. Getting tired of the stares which I was receiving, I yelled "It's cause its too big to fit in my pants". As soon as the words left my mouth, a gust of wind came and blew my kilt up around my waist, revealing that my previous claim was untrue. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5250) - you totally deserved it (28522)
On 10/29/2009 at 10:31am - misc - by TrueScotsman (man) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I got a new cat. I tried to reenact the opening scene from Lion King, where in Simba gets held up for everyone to see. The fan was on when I lifted my cat up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6018) - you totally deserved it (37834)
On 10/25/2009 at 1:18pm - misc - by stixx (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27497) - you totally deserved it (1525)
On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I got an email from the company that manages my Cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26619) - you totally deserved it (1760)
On 10/05/2009 at 3:23pm - misc - by APetsPet (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML
I agree, your life sucks (39997) - you totally deserved it (1037)
On 09/24/2009 at 5:50am - misc - by scaredtosleep (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I woke up from a nap on my new bed to see my phone lit up with new texts. My friend sent out "Wanna test out my new bed?" as a mass text while I was asleep to every boy in my phone. Mark will be here in an hour, Jon wants to know what I'm wearing, and my ex's new girlfriend is not amused. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23055) - you totally deserved it (1611)
On 09/20/2009 at 7:19pm - misc - by Anathema_360 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I visited home. My drunk mother was screaming to my drunk stepdad about a fight four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "Orgasm face." And the neighbors were dancing outside coked out and naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43987) - you totally deserved it (2112)
On 09/19/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my family gathered to pray. It was my brother's turn to pray and he ended with this, "...and help Chev that he does not become the disappointment everyone expects him to be. Amen." I looked on in shock as my entire family nodded and said "Amen" in agreement. Hi, I'm Chev. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27187) - you totally deserved it (2540)
On 09/16/2009 at 3:58pm - misc - by jaskyriddims (man) - Dominica (Saint George)
Today I was eating m&ms on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering "where is that little bastard?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25492) - you totally deserved it (6045)
On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
