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Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML
I agree, your life sucks (4381) - you deserved it (8329)
On 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by lifeonfire12 (woman) - Canada
Today, my wife and I decided to try role-playing. I started cleaning the pool. waiting for her to come out and be sexy, but she never did. I'd cleaned the entire pool before going into the house to ask why she never came out. She said she tricked me into cleaning the pool. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6865) - you deserved it (4818)
On 04/12/2012 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by CantPublish - United States (California)
Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8212) - you deserved it (1886)
On 03/13/2012 at 8:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3531) - you deserved it (11973)
On 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm - intimacy - by Fraser - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1844) - you deserved it (12186) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, my bra burst apart in the middle of class. I then had the privilege of asking my male teacher if I could borrow his stapler to put it back together. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18961) - you deserved it (2705)
On 02/13/2012 at 7:28pm - misc - by chlolivia (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8390) - you deserved it (1586)
On 02/13/2012 at 8:37am - intimacy - by lotrgeek (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I'm sleeping. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16676) - you deserved it (1769)
On 02/04/2012 at 7:35pm - misc - by wetdreams - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39605) - you deserved it (2653)
On 02/01/2012 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I accidentally moaned my own name during sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8530) - you deserved it (6065)
On 01/04/2012 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10319) - you deserved it (1980)
On 01/03/2012 at 6:07pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)
Today, while waiting for my train, I was listening to a voicemail message on my phone. Out of nowhere, a stranger came up to me from behind and screamed "DELETE!" into my ear. His voice command deleted my message. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23815) - you deserved it (2993) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I started undressing in front of my boyfriend. He politely said, "Excuse me, please" because I was blocking the T.V. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20422) - you deserved it (4912)
On 12/22/2011 at 12:26pm - intimacy - by lalala - United Kingdom (Croydon)
Today, my boyfriend told me that I can no longer sleep over at his house because his cat doesn't like it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8735) - you deserved it (1150)
On 12/21/2011 at 8:41pm - animals - by kaipodable - United States (California)
Today, I ordered a pizza. I paid and tipped the pizza guy, and instead of saying goodbye, I got tongue-tied and said, "I love you, boo." FML
I agree, your life sucks (4020) - you deserved it (7432)
On 12/18/2011 at 6:36pm - misc - by Musicfreak (woman) - United States (Illinois)
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