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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML
I agree, your life sucks (137246) - you deserved it (10988)
On 09/09/2009 at 1:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was getting it on with a girl I've been talking to for three months. She's a year younger than me and it was her first time. So, I went easy. After five minutes she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said I remind her of her dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63583) - you deserved it (5108)
On 08/06/2009 at 10:03pm - love - by Jeremy (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (119456) - you deserved it (5925)
On 07/01/2009 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75285) - you deserved it (35507)
On 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by a (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML
I agree, your life sucks (80317) - you deserved it (18415)
On 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm - kids - by embarrassedmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I finally exchanged pictures with the woman I've been seeing online for some time now. She replied, saying "Thats not funny. Some people actually look like that." I sent my real picture, and thought I actually looked pretty good in it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59952) - you deserved it (5021)
On 04/21/2009 at 2:21pm - love - by Anon (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby." FML
I agree, your life sucks (107441) - you deserved it (10688)
On 04/19/2009 at 10:09pm - health - by Litterbox (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (551703) - you deserved it (35437)
On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, the girl I have had a crush on for the last 4 months asked me on AIM how to block someone. 30 seconds after I finished explaining how to block someone on iChat, she went offline and I haven't seen her on AIM since. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60734) - you deserved it (9151)
On 04/12/2009 at 3:46pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, for Easter my brother and sister both got $200 gifts from my parents. I got a chocolate egg. I'm allergic to chocolate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (105058) - you deserved it (4327)
On 04/12/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML
I agree, your life sucks (215640) - you deserved it (26939)
On 04/10/2009 at 5:40pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML
I agree, your life sucks (93930) - you deserved it (4011)
On 04/08/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Crazy09 - United States (Michigan)
Today, I went to the doctor's office because my wife and I were having some fertilization problems. As I removed my pants, the doctor simply looked at my penis and said "mhm." My wife laughed the whole way home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63855) - you deserved it (4129)
On 04/05/2009 at 9:32am - health - by manlyman (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (85622) - you deserved it (6733)
On 04/04/2009 at 4:50am - misc - by vetapplez (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (199871) - you deserved it (58936)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Friday 24 May 2013
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