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Offline (the 04/27/2015 at 8:26am) | Search for a member
About poncho55 : Hello, welcome to this page that is reserved for me. Yay.
I love FML, animals, spending time with my hubby, cooking, skiing, hiking, camping, video games, cartoons, stuffed animals/plush toys, swinging on the swings at the playground, eating sushi, adventures, the variety of beers in the world, Stitch (Lilo & Stitch), Merida (Brave), The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Bioshock, Borderlands, Parkway Drive, Lights, Five Finger Death Punch, aaannd.. Sharpies.
If you cared/were bored enough to read that, thanks I guess. Have a nice day.
How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?
Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja
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Today, while skiing down a steep mountain, a man ran over my skis, causing me to fall and roll down the slope. When I regained my balance, I saw the man had followed me just to say "How graceful" and continue on. FML
Today, my manager gave me hell for leaving the restaurant early yesterday. Guilty as charged, but only because I was rushed to the hospital after going into diabetic shock. This assmunch is convinced that I either faked it all to get off work early, or that I'd been eating our own stock. FML
Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML
Today, thanks to some asswipe drunk driver fleeing the cops the wrong way down a one-way street, I've now had my third wreck this year. My insurance premium's now higher than Bob Marley in a weed factory. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 2 years after eating in a 5-star restaurant. She said that she wasn't ready and that she would walk home by herself, which she did. A homeless gentleman walked up from behind me, patted me on the back and said, "Bitches man." I cried. FML
Today, I get to add spaghetti sauce to my rather extensive list of things that don't belong in a person's eye but that end up in mine anyway. Other items include molten cheese, rock salt, orange juice, chips of nail polish, cotton fibers, and firework ash. FML
Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML
Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML
Friday 5 February 2016