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plimkinballs

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plimkinballs's favorite FMLs

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is". Orgasm gone. FML

#20583515
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49393) - you deserved it (7990)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by iwassoclose - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

#20583013
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52455) - you deserved it (11865)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I finally had the best sex I've ever had with this really hot guy I've been hanging out with lately. I thought everything was all well and good until he turned to me and said, "You know, your orgasm face kinda reminds me of Steve Martin, but in a good way." FML

#20570614
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45162) - you deserved it (7794)

On 04/01/2013 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by LadySteveMartin (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

#20562430
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48578) - you deserved it (5556)

On 03/27/2013 at 2:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I asked my boyfriend to give me a back rub. He claimed that he had a sore hand, so I retorted, "You have two hands, right?" Still bitter about not being able to have sex with me while I'm on my period, he shot back, "You have two holes, right?" I give up. FML

#20540243
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32885) - you deserved it (50789) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/11/2013 at 8:21pm - intimacy - by Lilypad (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML

#20538482
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34647) - you deserved it (3837)

On 03/10/2013 at 6:37pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband was arrested for having sex in public. FML

#20538233
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44947) - you deserved it (4413)

On 03/10/2013 at 2:50pm - love - by ifhehadadickforaheaditdbefuckingsmall (woman) - Cyprus (Nicosia)

Today, our dog jumped on the bed while my fiancé and I were having sex, and let out the most horrific fart. My fiancé, like a gentleman, held my nose closed while he continued banging me. FML

Today, I found out that my boyfriend and one of his friends have been having sex with each other. His excuse? "She's my best friend, we do this all the time." I have been dating him for over a year. FML

#20532334
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43760) - you deserved it (3653)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:17pm - love - by Alexandra - United States (Maryland)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML

#20510302
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38531) - you deserved it (9264)

On 02/17/2013 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Notaplacetogo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML

#20508952
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18525) - you deserved it (53554)

On 02/16/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by uhoh (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had to explain to my white girlfriend that dating me doesn't give her the right to call my mother the n-word. FML

#20507523
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39278) - you deserved it (8444)

On 02/14/2013 at 11:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

#20498986
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19374) - you deserved it (39989)

On 02/09/2013 at 12:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML

#20497837
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57355) - you deserved it (10862)

On 02/08/2013 at 2:13am - intimacy - by mydadsgonnakillme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

#20482358
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49252) - you deserved it (13927)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada



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