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Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I tried to "trip" and fall into this guy I've had a crush on. I missed and fell on my face. He stepped over me and kept walking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21336) - you deserved it (43054)
On 05/06/2013 at 8:45pm - misc - by clumsy - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML
I agree, your life sucks (39844) - you deserved it (6513)
On 05/06/2013 at 3:58pm - intimacy - by stretchy - United States (Maryland)
Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML
I agree, your life sucks (53406) - you deserved it (7617)
On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34798) - you deserved it (9875)
On 05/02/2013 at 11:59am - intimacy - by MommaAnnie (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47599) - you deserved it (3281)
On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off and said, "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43124) - you deserved it (10234)
On 04/30/2013 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by SecondBest,IGuess (woman) - United States
Today, I was getting ready to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It seems he thought I was a much larger cup size than I really am, because when he saw my actual boobs, he said, "Aaaaaaand they're gone". FML
I agree, your life sucks (48524) - you deserved it (9966)
On 04/27/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39274) - you deserved it (5008)
On 04/24/2013 at 2:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (52241) - you deserved it (6809)
On 04/22/2013 at 4:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51056) - you deserved it (4716)
On 04/17/2013 at 2:14am - love - by rawdoglyfe69 - United States (Montana)
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47084) - you deserved it (5707)
On 04/12/2013 at 11:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm guessing it was a bad sign when she started to go over the shopping list. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35790) - you deserved it (6584)
On 04/12/2013 at 1:05am - intimacy - by Fml (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is". Orgasm gone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38203) - you deserved it (5539)
On 04/10/2013 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by iwassoclose - United States
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39903) - you deserved it (7900)
On 04/10/2013 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I finally had the best sex I've ever had with this really hot guy I've been hanging out with lately. I thought everything was all well and good until he turned to me and said, "You know, your orgasm face kinda reminds me of Steve Martin, but in a good way." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34652) - you deserved it (5489)
On 04/01/2013 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by LadySteveMartin (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
Monday 20 May 2013
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