Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

pissflap

Offline (the 05/09/2015 at 8:40pm) | Search for a member

pissflap

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 709
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About pissflap : A bit of a tit really!

pissflap's page activity

Visits<b>olpally</b> - the 12/20/2014 at 12:28pm

pissflap's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of pissflap's badges

pissflap's favorite FMLs

Today, while laughing at a jogger that fell down while running, I choked on my French fries. They had to give me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

#21366627
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13949) - you deserved it (48772)

On 03/02/2015 at 3:40pm - health - by teapotrevolt - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML

#21365242
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18760) - you deserved it (55458)

On 02/28/2015 at 1:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend got her wisdom teeth removed. I really want to help her out while she recovers, but her swollen cheeks combined with her natural buck teeth keep making me crack up every time I see her. I can't help it and I'm now in the doghouse. FML

#21360286
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22882) - you deserved it (29035)

On 02/21/2015 at 9:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML

#21356659
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33693) - you deserved it (2808)

On 02/15/2015 at 12:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

#21351917
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30961) - you deserved it (3072)

On 02/08/2015 at 3:35am - animals - by OnlyAvailableID - Australia

Today, I had a one night stand. After holding in my farts all night as is done, I decided enough was enough and to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out instead I shit myself in her bed. I was naked at the time so was unable to hide it. FML

#21346279
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29785) - you deserved it (13135)

On 01/29/2015 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I found out that the guy I've been sleeping with is my mom's gynecologist. FML

#21346230
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32336) - you deserved it (4062)

On 01/29/2015 at 2:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband came home, drunk and with lipstick smeared on his face. When I confronted him about it, he just slurred, "Ah don't worry babe, it ain't mine." FML

#21343515
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33389) - you deserved it (2646)

On 01/24/2015 at 3:26pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I drove my dad to Walmart to do some shopping. His leg is still in a cast after an accident, so I helped him to the last mobility scooter. A guy whose only disability was clearly Fat-Fuck Syndrome then yelled at us, claiming he needed it more and that my dad was a faker. FML

#21343482
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34179) - you deserved it (2314)

On 01/24/2015 at 2:25pm - misc - by Elrond Hubbard (man) - United States

Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML

#21338935
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28464) - you deserved it (5743)

On 01/17/2015 at 1:49pm - love - by wounded pride, intact cock (man) - United States

Today, I realized that while I've been the same minuscule height for the past five years, my feet won't stop growing. I'm 5 foot and a size 12. I look like a clown. FML

#21338417
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28465) - you deserved it (5763)

On 01/16/2015 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I gambled on a fart and lost. FML

#21337828
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23601) - you deserved it (15119)

On 01/15/2015 at 8:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my husband confessed that when he's angry with me, he uses my makeup sponge to apply his hemorrhoid cream. FML

#21336401
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34088) - you deserved it (3927)

On 01/13/2015 at 12:42pm - love - by Maiar (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His father was completely wasted, his mom was high, and his 11-year-old sister was talking about her favorite alcoholic drinks at the dinner table. FML

#21335369
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32199) - you deserved it (2597)

On 01/11/2015 at 9:41pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was in the car with my 4-year-old sister and our puppy. Suddenly, she blurted out from the backseat, "I don't love you anymore." Shocked, I asked her to repeat herself. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "The puppy doesn't love you either." FML

#21334677
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29114) - you deserved it (2449)

On 01/10/2015 at 7:15pm - kids - by SadSister:( - United States



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: