About philosophyfail : I'm a recent college grad with a philosophy degree... What else am I going to do?
Happy Ending
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Today, I was suntanning outside, when I had a bout of nausea. I rushed to the toilet, hoping at all costs to just dry-heave it away. When I lifted the lid, I was faced with two of the most rancid floaters I've ever seen, courtesy of my live-in gran. Well, my stomach's empty now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17488) - you deserved it (1343)
On 08/16/2012 at 8:22pm - health - by rainbows? more like shitstorms (man) - United States
Today, my aunt borrowed my favorite shirt. Don't worry, she returned it. Complete with jizz stains. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26932) - you deserved it (2679)
On 08/16/2012 at 3:28pm - intimacy - by itwasmyfavoriteshirt - United States (Arkansas)
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19699) - you deserved it (1885)
On 08/15/2012 at 7:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Kent)
Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10614) - you deserved it (32523)
On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4929) - you deserved it (40305)
On 08/09/2012 at 3:51pm - misc - by feelsterrible (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14031) - you deserved it (2883)
On 07/30/2012 at 2:05pm - animals - by soph511 (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)
Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19725) - you deserved it (1527)
On 07/27/2012 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16662) - you deserved it (2317)
On 07/26/2012 at 10:13pm - intimacy - by LOTRfail (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why period blood couldn't be saved and donated to the hospital for transplants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17582) - you deserved it (1652)
On 07/26/2012 at 8:46pm - misc - by Carrie G. (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I learned why one should never insert a tampon after squeezing lemons. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13108) - you deserved it (9498)
On 07/26/2012 at 1:20pm - health - by memphis201 - United States (Kentucky)
Today, my long-term boyfriend insisted on me going down on him. When I asked what he would do in return, he said "I was thinking McDonald's". FML
I agree, your life sucks (17932) - you deserved it (3209)
On 07/26/2012 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my sister, but they already knew each other from my sister's work. She's an exotic dancer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17432) - you deserved it (1497)
On 07/21/2012 at 2:18am - misc - by Closingwild - Mexico (Jalisco)
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2965) - you deserved it (32975)
On 07/20/2012 at 5:38pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Wexford)
Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wear makeup much. Expecting him to say something about my natural beauty, I replied with an honest "no." His smiled softly, gently squeezed my shoulder, and said, "Maybe you should." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17920) - you deserved it (2164)
On 07/20/2012 at 2:23pm - love - by Taylor (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my family of five and I decided to have homemade sushi. We did not prepare the fish correctly, and now we all have excruciating food poisoning. The worst part? We only have one bathroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7969) - you deserved it (17718)
On 07/20/2012 at 1:47am - health - by fuuuuuh - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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