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philosophyfail

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 12 February 1987 (27 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2866
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About philosophyfail : I'm a recent college grad with a philosophy degree... What else am I going to do?

philosophyfail's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:03pm<b>puhffft</b> - the 05/27/2010 at 1:43pm<b>RachaelJustBlah6</b> - the 05/22/2010 at 12:22pm<b>Zic</b> - the 05/21/2010 at 9:59am

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Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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philosophyfail's favorite FMLs

Today, while visiting my grandparents, I used one of their blankets to keep warm. Later, I saw their dog getting busy with said blanket. When my grandparents saw my look of horror, they explained that he has "sexual relations" with the blanket every night. Thanks for telling me, guys. FML

#20788038
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44554) - you deserved it (3714)

On 07/17/2013 at 7:56am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

#20785133
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59495) - you deserved it (20985)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm - intimacy - by needsnewshorts (man) - United States (California)

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

#20781742
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58450) - you deserved it (12240)

On 07/14/2013 at 6:41am - intimacy - by mile high clubber - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML

#20778274
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47132) - you deserved it (6889)

On 07/12/2013 at 7:18pm - kids - by So little trust. (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went on a blind date. The guy greeted me with a "What's up, bitch?", which I wrote off as him just being really laid-back. By dessert, he'd asked me if my boobs are real, then when we finished, asked how many more dates it'd take before I put out. So much for that. FML

#20777868
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49005) - you deserved it (7120)

On 07/12/2013 at 3:33pm - love - by ElodieUNU (woman) - France

Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML

#20776199
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55994) - you deserved it (5961)

On 07/11/2013 at 3:50pm - intimacy - by fucked up dad (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I was walking down the street and saw a man trip over a sign. He then grabbed his cane, started screaming, and began beating the sign. Apparently that didn't release his anger, so he began to beat the nearest car. I thought it was hilarious, until I noticed it was my car. FML

#20774578
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44961) - you deserved it (9166)

On 07/10/2013 at 4:10pm - misc - by mylifesucks - United States (Georgia)

Today, I poured my heart out to my now ex-girlfriend over the recent passing away of my grandmother. Her eyes glazed over multiple times, and when I said that I don't know how to cope with everything, her advice was simply, "Shotgun. Mouth. Blam." FML

#20766944
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50035) - you deserved it (4699)

On 07/06/2013 at 12:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Lithuania (Vilniaus Apskritis)

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

#20762710
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45132) - you deserved it (8990)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by idk ask freud - United States (Oregon)

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

#20745688
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50176) - you deserved it (13817)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:22am - intimacy - by dan (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, after asking my psychiatrist about natural alternatives to medication for my depression, she replied, "Why not Zoidberg?" FML

#20744996
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30582) - you deserved it (5722)

On 06/24/2013 at 6:12pm - health - by thanksdoc (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML

#20739103
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41239) - you deserved it (4605)

On 06/21/2013 at 2:05pm - health - by assholedad (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to a new bar with friends. After arriving I became extremely gassy; I planned a smooth release during the loud music. Little did I know the bar occasionally dips its music to hear the guests singing. When the music turned off all eyes turned to me. FML

#20731175
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41525) - you deserved it (13613)

On 06/17/2013 at 9:55am - health - by nomwar (woman) - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

#20711208
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55076) - you deserved it (64189)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my wife uttered the soul-crushing words, "But we're married now, why would we have sex?" FML

#20706140
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84815) - you deserved it (8094)

On 06/04/2013 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by ._. (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)



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