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phalacee

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phalacee

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  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 293
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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phalacee's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

#15817034
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42437) - you deserved it (8260)

On 04/17/2011 at 1:56am - intimacy - by rastafarimon (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

#3484293
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53079) - you deserved it (23640)

On 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by DutchOven (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I came home from work. I crept up to the bedroom to gently wake up my girlfriend. I touch her shoulder and slowly leant in to give her a tender kiss. She suddenly wakes up and grabs me by the throat... I keep forgetting she's in the army. FML

#919
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27185) - you deserved it (7995)

On 01/09/2009 at 10:23pm - love - by Cùchulainn - Sent from mobile version

Today, I tried to cuddle Simon, my five year old son. He wriggled away and said: "If you need a teddy bear, go buy one! Or find another Simon!" FML

#697
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26777) - you deserved it (3058)

On 01/03/2009 at 10:55pm - kids - by sly - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML

#689
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19486) - you deserved it (7007)

On 01/03/2009 at 3:38am - misc - by sm@rtie - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was reading the end of my book. I turn the page and see, written at the top: "Lauren kills Paul in the end... You shouldn't have pissed me off." It was from my sister, we had a fight yesterday. FML

#594
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19821) - you deserved it (6114)

On 12/25/2008 at 7:57am - misc - by poupi - Sent from mobile version

Today, at the Eurostar customs, an officer asked me if I had packed my luggage myself. I teasingly answered "No, I was helped by a member of Al Qaeda." which earned me a body and luggage search and a missed train. FML

#510
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6450) - you deserved it (57902)

On 12/14/2008 at 12:15am - misc - by Behemoth2 - Sent from mobile version



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