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pev8's favorite FMLs
by Rjlup / 06/11/2013 at 10:00am / United States (Colorado) / Animals
Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML
by poopy pants / 04/07/2013 at 9:47pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health
Today, after paying for my groceries, I noticed that a bread-roll hadn't been charged. I felt guilty and went back to the register to pay for it. The cashier burst into derisive laughter and mockingly asked me if I was "running for Pope or something". FML
by moosy0_o / 04/07/2013 at 3:22pm / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Money
Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML
by Anna L. / 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML
by Frostbitten / 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 8:43am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous
Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML
by Kallian / 01/16/2013 at 6:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on a plane and realized that the woman next to me was hiding a hedgehog in a plastic container. I'm severely afraid of hedgehogs but not wanting to give the woman up and get her in trouble, I tried to stay quiet. Which led to me to quietly hyperventilate and pass out on the plane. FML
by scaredofhedges / 01/07/2013 at 5:21am / United States (California) / Transportation
by fiftyno / 10/01/2012 at 11:02am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML
by awhmaaan / 02/27/2012 at 10:55am / United Kingdom / Health
by 97 / 02/17/2012 at 4:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/25/2012 at 11:18pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by jjs51 / 01/23/2012 at 5:36pm / United States / Transportation
by ohlordhelpmenow / 01/14/2012 at 10:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by bunnyluver4545 / 01/11/2012 at 12:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
- Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of… Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me…