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petrolhead

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  • Number of visits : 2549
  • Number of comments : 45
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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petrolhead's favorite FMLs

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

#15184059
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36161) - you deserved it (22671)

On 03/03/2011 at 6:22am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while riding the bus to a really important job interview the child sitting next to me threw up in my lap. His mother then told him to wipe his mouth. He used my sleeve. FML

#15179914
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36947) - you deserved it (2928)

On 03/02/2011 at 9:49pm - kids - by elfy2 -

Today, I started my job as a high school janitor. A student decided to welcome me by taking a dump in the urinal. FML

#15178043
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32686) - you deserved it (3899)

On 03/02/2011 at 7:35pm - work - by Worstjob (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, my fiancé and I had a fight over household expenses. He's never had a job in his life, but this didn't stop him demanding that I get another full-time job to pay for video games and beer. FML

#15177236
471 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23264) - you deserved it (50438)

On 03/02/2011 at 6:21pm - money - by me - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

#15165919
341 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16967) - you deserved it (81665)

On 03/01/2011 at 6:51pm - intimacy - by Anon. (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML

#15114722
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25211) - you deserved it (3905)

On 02/25/2011 at 1:44pm - kids - by Ldp56 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I asked out a girl I like to a movie. She said "I hate babysitting." FML

#15112268
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30082) - you deserved it (4802)

On 02/25/2011 at 7:17am - love - by Anonymous - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, I had to get into my house via the dog flap because my mom changed the locks. FML

#15029276
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25674) - you deserved it (3755)

On 02/18/2011 at 4:18pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said "What's up bitch? What are you going to complain about now?!" It was actually my boss. FML

#15025129
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8452) - you deserved it (37918)

On 02/18/2011 at 4:33am - work - by Username -

Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML

#15000344
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21703) - you deserved it (33727)

On 02/16/2011 at 7:56am - misc - by rhartnett11 -

Today, I rummaged around in the attic, looking for old pictures of me and my family, so I could make a surprise collage. Instead, I found my dad's old journals, talking about how desperately he didn't want a kid, and how he wanted to leave my mother more and more every day that passed since I was born. FML

#14974571
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37969) - you deserved it (3334)

On 02/14/2011 at 3:12pm - misc - by surfergal91 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was in class when someone came in with a rose for me. My teacher made me read the card aloud: "I'm breaking up with you, happy Valentine's." It was from my boyfriend. FML

#14973711
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37996) - you deserved it (2403)

On 02/14/2011 at 1:14pm - love - by sexyredhead - United States

Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML

#14968643
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44309) - you deserved it (8928)

On 02/14/2011 at 1:24am - misc - by bride (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that it is never, ever a good idea to put a band-aid of any kind on your penis, because eventually you will have to take it off. FML

#14967873
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7445) - you deserved it (44832)

On 02/14/2011 at 12:31am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? I dare you." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML

#14965591
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12482) - you deserved it (45678)

On 02/13/2011 at 10:25pm - misc - by NotAsToughAsHeThinks (man) - United States (Montana)



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