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YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Mobility
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Today, I started my job at a kids summer camp. The first little girl to arrive told me to close my eyes and open my hand because she had a "surprise" for me. Yep, a dead, decomposed sparrow covered in all sorts of bugs sure is a surprise. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36020) - you deserved it (4309)
On 06/11/2013 at 12:39am - kids - by sydneyp3435 - United States (Texas)
Today, I spent my last day at the hospital for a long epilepsy test. Apparently, I don't have epilepsy at all, but I do have extreme stress. This means that I've been taking several anti-seizure medications that ruined my college plans and made me sick for half a year, all for nothing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43444) - you deserved it (3471)
On 06/09/2013 at 11:40am - health - by HollyJollyXmas (woman) - United States
Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44011) - you deserved it (3575)
On 06/09/2013 at 1:13am - misc - by nicholascageonyourface (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (40961) - you deserved it (50816)
On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I saw mice eating from my cat's food dish, again. Where is my cat? He's busy bringing in more mice, birds, and once even an unharmed chipmunk through his cat door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35281) - you deserved it (4156)
On 06/07/2013 at 12:33am - animals - by Damn Cat - United States (Iowa)
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. 20 minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47712) - you deserved it (3403)
On 06/05/2013 at 6:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, my cats were making a ton of noise rolling around and fighting over their toys, and I yelled for them to knock it off. When they looked up at me, their "toy" ran away. Not a toy, but a real mouse. It's been 2 hours, and I still can't find it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35182) - you deserved it (9319)
On 06/04/2013 at 12:28pm - animals - by drkate25 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27285) - you deserved it (58209)
On 06/04/2013 at 8:15am - misc - by tinypenis - United States (New York)
Today, I asked my dermatologist why my acne has been getting worse, despite following her directions and spending hundreds of dollars on medicine. She just shrugged and told me they can't actually cure my acne. However, they can prescribe me a bunch of stuff and hope one works. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42235) - you deserved it (4489)
On 06/02/2013 at 6:53am - health - by WtfDidIPayYouForThen - United States (Florida)
Today, as I was getting out of my car, an old and obese lady walked up to me and called me an "inconsiderate heartless bitch" for using the last handicap parking spot. I guess she didn't see my wheelchair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53195) - you deserved it (2275)
On 06/01/2013 at 2:21am - misc - by regstl - United States (Oregon)
Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50199) - you deserved it (3969)
On 06/01/2013 at 12:31am - health - by Mayyouneverfindpleasureinavagina (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while feeding my neighbour's cats, I mistakenly switched up their foods. One has medicated food that causes drowsiness. The healthy cat got knocked out like a log. I panicked, laid him out by the bed, and spilled milk around his head to make it look "natural." I think I'm going to hell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26727) - you deserved it (29420)
On 05/31/2013 at 10:59am - animals - by fuckshitcockwaffle (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, while at the movies, I had an uncomfortable amount of gas that I couldn't hold in any longer. I waited for a loud part in the movie to conceal it and took my chance. Problem was, the loud part ended abruptly. I didn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40133) - you deserved it (13776)
On 05/25/2013 at 4:19am - misc - by Cristoforo - United States (New York)
Today, whilst driving past a cyclist, I thought it would be funny to make him jump by blasting my horn right behind him and then driving off. I guess he thought it would be funny to catch up with me, yank off my wing-mirror, and hurl it through the open window at my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10453) - you deserved it (90405)
On 05/23/2013 at 6:00pm - misc - by faitoh - United Kingdom (Lisburn)
Today, my mom scolded me and threatened to ground me for coming home past midnight. Normally, it wouldn't be unreasonable, except for the fact that I'm 24 years old, and that my parents live with me, in my own house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45901) - you deserved it (4205)
On 05/21/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by mammasboy - United States (Illinois)
Monday 17 June 2013
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