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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47878) - you deserved it (2790)
On 04/27/2013 at 2:32pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis)
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31048) - you deserved it (8736)
On 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm - work - by JimmyT (man) - Norway (Hordaland)
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12678) - you deserved it (37251)
On 02/16/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by uhoh (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42051) - you deserved it (3121)
On 01/01/2013 at 10:20am - intimacy - by ashbeat - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20863) - you deserved it (942)
On 11/27/2012 at 9:32am - misc - by Cracky - United States (Maryland)
Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25717) - you deserved it (2426)
On 10/09/2012 at 1:53am - kids - by anonymous - United States
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28351) - you deserved it (4129)
On 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I had a hard time taking a dump. Before flushing, I noticed two pennies and a dime incrusted in my turd. It seems that yesterday, while drunk, I swallowed some change. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4324) - you deserved it (18134)
On 08/23/2012 at 2:54am - money - by chrisbravo - United States
Today, I got into an argument with my girlfriend over how many sides a triangle has. I actually ended up drawing her a diagram. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18253) - you deserved it (2712)
On 08/19/2012 at 1:51am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, everyone found out about the strange but intense fetish I have for women physically lifting me. It all came out when my friend, a female bodybuilder, decided to grab and pick me up for a laugh. I came in my pants, in front of about twenty people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30185) - you deserved it (6965)
On 07/25/2012 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7690) - you deserved it (26887)
On 07/17/2012 at 11:32am - intimacy - by tuggernuts (man) - United States
Today, I got tasered by a cop. It was his second day on the job. My crime? Sneezing during a sobriety test. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21792) - you deserved it (1426)
On 05/05/2012 at 7:44am - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10059) - you deserved it (29166)
On 05/04/2012 at 8:49am - health - by authorsubmit - United States
Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23635) - you deserved it (1288)
On 05/04/2012 at 8:08am - work - by viviham - United States (Texas)
Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24479) - you deserved it (1904)
On 04/17/2012 at 5:38am - health - by SeeingLlamas (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Friday 24 May 2013
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