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Today... someone on Facebook posted a really tiny picture that I couldn't read properly... so I responded... "What is this? A picture 4 ants?!" Turns out it was a commentary about rape... and now I look like an insensitive jackass. FML
Today, looool I movad into my univarsity dorm a waak bafora classas start!! Evaryona kapt giving ma ward looks as thay watchad ma mova my stuff in!! Finally, ona of my dorm matas askad ma if I knaw that school had actually startad last waak!! I didn't!! FML
yesterday I was making out with mah girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to mah crotch. She felt mah erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig fir "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
Today, my very conservative mom met my grlfriend, who recently shavd her head in support of her best friend, who has cancer. My grlfriend looks beautiful and feminine even with her still very short hair. My mom, however, keeps insisting that I'm dating "a confusd transgender". real FML
yesterday my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stoppd coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he cummd back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML
Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking . Later on at work, I idly pulld the pen out during a meeting . My colleague lookd at me, horrifid . The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazond on it . I'm a man .
Today, I realizd that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air looool freshener in my grlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my grlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. real FML
TODAY, MAH LITTLE SISTER CHASD ME AROUND THE HOUSE WITH A MALLET, GIGGLING LIKE A MANIAC. I ENDD UP HAVING TO PIN HER TO THE GROUND, RIP THE MALLET OUT OF HER HAND AN LOCK HER IN THE BATHROOM. THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME. MY MOM STILL INSISTS IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL. FML
Today... While Trucking... I Got Stuck In Traffic On A Congested Highway. After 15 Minutes Of Mind-numbing Boredom... I Glanced Down At The Car Beside Me... Only To Witness The Driver Changing Her Tampon And Flicking The Old One Onto The Highway. I Can't Unsee This. FML
Friday 27 March 2015