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peachapple's favorite FMLs
by PrettyScared / 07/29/2013 at 11:07am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by o_O / 06/23/2013 at 1:26pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML
by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck / 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm / Guam / Miscellaneous
Today, it was the second anniversary of the day I met my girlfriend. I had to go to work, but I set an engagement ring and a letter on my pillow for when she woke up, and left breakfast for her on the counter. When I got home, she and all of her things were gone. FML
by foreveralone / 06/23/2013 at 10:42am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 06/23/2013 at 2:55am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML
by Anonymous / 06/22/2013 at 4:55pm / United States / Health
Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML
by imarriedanaxemurderer / 06/18/2013 at 1:01am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by hinting / 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML
by explanations / 06/14/2013 at 2:48am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, at my wedding, the minister forgot to skip the "does anyone object?" part. My mother stood up and gave a lengthy reason, which caused my future in-laws to start shouting. It turned into a small riot, and no, we're not married now. FML
by Anonymous / 06/12/2013 at 12:27pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I decided to try wearing eyeshadow, even though I'm not that girly. When I asked for help after several failed attempts, my sister walked in and said, "It's easy, just do what I do." She put the makeup on herself and looked amazing. She's eight. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2013 at 12:11pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/10/2013 at 11:19pm / United States (New York) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/09/2013 at 10:29am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by Anoymous / 06/09/2013 at 2:02am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML
by nicholascageonyourface / 06/09/2013 at 1:13am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…
- Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. We've been dating for 3 months, I'm 16, he's 17. I felt too bad… Today, I was arriving at my grandmas and when I met her she asked "Where's your girlfriend?" I told… Today, I was helping my friend move into a new apartment. As we were carrying his table up a flight…
- Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, during a family dinner with my grandparents, I showed them some pictures. One was a picture…