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Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40237) - you deserved it (3157)
On 09/27/2011 at 3:53pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend still couldn't work out where my clitoris is. It's RIGHT THERE, you idiot. I've pointed it out, but each time it's like he needs a compass and a map or something. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28452) - you deserved it (8522)
On 09/27/2011 at 11:56am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47876) - you deserved it (4812)
On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30764) - you deserved it (2776)
On 07/22/2011 at 12:11am - misc - by oliverP123 - United States (New York)
Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11499) - you deserved it (46626)
On 07/14/2011 at 9:51pm - kids - by anon (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41131) - you deserved it (10420)
On 07/14/2011 at 12:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16528) - you deserved it (39260)
On 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by 44haley44 - United States
Today, my boyfriend said that to be extra careful he's been taking my birth control pills too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52008) - you deserved it (5654)
On 06/27/2011 at 9:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my Dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "mom". I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me something "nice". FML
I agree, your life sucks (63470) - you deserved it (2812)
On 05/22/2011 at 5:31am - misc - by quickfingers100 - United Kingdom
Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29942) - you deserved it (43727)
On 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm - kids - by failureparent (man) - United States (California)
Today, my recently married friend took off her wedding ring to make bread. Being single and pathetic, I tried it on to see what it would look like. It got stuck on my finger. The ER doctor had to cut it off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8238) - you deserved it (34026)
On 12/22/2010 at 1:03pm - love - by lisa (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while I was substitute teaching a middle school class, a boy, named Chris, refused to get in the boy's line for the bathroom. After I had said, "Chris, what makes you think you're a girl?" in a very loud voice, one of the other students said "She is a girl." I've scarred a child for life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9692) - you deserved it (40091)
On 10/24/2010 at 1:26am - kids - by badteacher (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend started to plan our wedding. He included a clown. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27860) - you deserved it (6055)
On 06/07/2010 at 2:43am - love - by soccerbooty - United States (Texas)
Today, my female room-mate decided to throw away my xbox, along with a few other possessions because they reminded her of her ex. Furiously, I asked her if "it was that time of the month again." Now I can't feel my balls, and miss my games. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29623) - you deserved it (9244)
On 01/19/2010 at 10:59pm - misc - by NYCguy (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was studying for one of my finals that I had later in the week but decided to take a break and play around with my boyfriend in bed for a couple hours. We decided to 69 for the first time, and everything was going great until out of nowhere, I loudly farted in his face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17028) - you deserved it (8073)
On 12/14/2009 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by Gassy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Monday 20 May 2013
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