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patriot09

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patriot09

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 6 August 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 760
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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patriot09's favorite FMLs

Today, I signed a two-year lease on a house. My next-door neighbor said she's in love with me, threatened my girlfriend, and won't stop blasting Taylor Swift. FML

#20696622
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49092) - you deserved it (3574)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:28am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my very drunk mom called me to confess that she was the girl that my boyfriend left me for two years ago. FML

#20696605
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54624) - you deserved it (3108)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:20am - love - by wtf mom - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

#20695159
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62308) - you deserved it (4983)

On 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by life insurance for 1 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight of stairs. When I got to the bottom, a man tackled me to the ground thinking I was stealing the woman's luggage. As I lay in pain, he ran up the stairs to return the suitcase and the poor woman had to carry it down on her own. FML

#20686906
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53015) - you deserved it (2841)

On 05/26/2013 at 5:19am - misc - by gooddeedgonebad (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my parents decided that since summer is almost here, it's a great opportunity to start having nude barbecues. I found this out after walking out into the backyard, hoping to sun myself a little, only to see the living nightmare that is my parents' naked bodies. FML

#20686007
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48197) - you deserved it (4411)

On 05/25/2013 at 6:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "sexual health products". Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML

#20684142
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67139) - you deserved it (5630)

On 05/24/2013 at 5:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Iceland (Eyjafjardarsysla)

Today, my brother tried to convince me to get a clitoris piercing at his recently opened piercing studio. FML

#20668963
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59656) - you deserved it (6037)

On 05/17/2013 at 12:40pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Varmlands Lan)

Today, my stalker ex girlfriend turned up at my wedding, uninvited, wearing a wedding dress. FML

#20655660
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86447) - you deserved it (5470)

On 05/11/2013 at 2:25am - love - by tdrtnlz - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML

#20644821
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64524) - you deserved it (5948)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:29am - kids - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States

Today, marks the third week in which my girlfriend has gone without taking a shower. She does this every so often, taking showers roughly once per month. She's convinced baby wipes will "hold her over". FML

#20638375
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52783) - you deserved it (9004)

On 05/03/2013 at 1:16am - love - by SingleStrongArm - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML

#20637584
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69805) - you deserved it (7852)

On 05/02/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by future brain bleach addict (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I wouldn't give her a new iPhone 5 for free to replace her broken Nokia, which she threw out the window in "blind rage". I felt awful having to thank her for calling. Sadly, this is a daily event. FML

#20559802
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30425) - you deserved it (2292)

On 03/25/2013 at 5:53pm - work - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Friesland)

Today, I bought an expensive razor that's supposed to be great. My roommate asked if she could borrow it, and as her legs just looked like they needed touching up, I said sure. After a strangely long amount of time, she came back, thanked me and left. Her legs were still hairy. FML

#20557395
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36214) - you deserved it (11724)

On 03/24/2013 at 1:30am - misc - by bleach (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my sister plucking her nipples. A shame I didn't get a big fuck-off bottle of brain bleach for Christmas. FML

#20422121
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28383) - you deserved it (7607)

On 12/25/2012 at 8:49pm - intimacy - by FuckMyEyes (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

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