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patebishop's favorite FMLs
Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML
by Anon / 05/07/2011 at 2:08am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Intimacy
by Monika / 05/05/2011 at 5:04pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by MathTeacher / 05/02/2011 at 10:30am / United States (Missouri) / Work
by Sammy / 04/27/2011 at 1:07pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/10/2011 at 1:07am / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
Today, Amazon didn't deliver the present I bought my mother for Mothering Sunday, so she called me an 'Ungrateful bastard.' And about half an hour ago, I cut my thumb whilst making her lunch. She said, 'You're doing this on purpose so I feel sorry for you. Well I don't.' FML
by Trainspotting / 04/03/2011 at 9:32am / United Kingdom (Staffordshire) / Miscellaneous
by Megara / 03/15/2011 at 1:58am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
by mrssagdiyev / 03/05/2011 at 9:19am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/05/2011 at 6:43am / France (Alsace) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 6:18pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by AntiBobTheBuilder / 03/02/2011 at 12:22am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I overheard my parents in the kitchen talking about how they wanted to try anal tonight. There is over three and a half feet of snow outside, leaving me no way to escape the horrible sounds and mental images yet to come. FML
by Sam / 02/27/2011 at 4:42pm / United States (Wyoming) / Intimacy
Today, I made plans with an old friend that I haven't seen in years. We agreed to meet at a diner and I told him I'd be standing outside. I watched him pull up, look right at me, then do something with his phone. Seconds later, I got a text saying "Sorry, but I'm busy today and can't make it." FML
by Angela / 02/26/2011 at 8:56pm / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to… Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it… Today, I was trying on bikinis at a local store. When I put my pants back on, my foot got stuck, I…