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patebishop

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  • Number of visits : 2919
  • Number of comments : 47
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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patebishop's favorite FMLs

Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML

#16074880
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13284) - you deserved it (56743)

On 05/07/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by Anon (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, my identical twin sister got in trouble for sneaking out of the house to see her boyfriend. My father decided to ground both of us, because it would be "too confusing" for him otherwise. FML

#16057937
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58975) - you deserved it (4664)

On 05/05/2011 at 5:04pm - kids - by Monika (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML

#16017887
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21613) - you deserved it (41247)

On 05/02/2011 at 10:30am - work - by MathTeacher (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My husband, the father of the baby, got a birdie on the golf course at the exact same time. FML

#15948612
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42374) - you deserved it (5072)

On 04/27/2011 at 1:07pm - love - by Sammy - United States (Texas)

Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML

#15718627
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19273) - you deserved it (65863)

On 04/10/2011 at 1:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, Amazon didn't deliver the present I bought my mother for Mothering Sunday, so she called me an 'Ungrateful bastard.' And about half an hour ago, I cut my thumb whilst making her lunch. She said, 'You're doing this on purpose so I feel sorry for you. Well I don't.' FML

#15618704
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34967) - you deserved it (3270)

On 04/03/2011 at 9:32am - misc - by Trainspotting - United Kingdom (Staffordshire)

Today, I was telling my dad about how I emasculated my guy friends because I can drive a stick shift while they can't. He said, "And you wonder why people think you're a lesbian." FML

#15317811
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30714) - you deserved it (11849)

On 03/15/2011 at 1:58am - misc - by Megara (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML

#15205638
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31244) - you deserved it (4923)

On 03/05/2011 at 9:19am - intimacy - by mrssagdiyev (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found my mother in tears, so I asked her what was wrong. She told me, "It's your father, he wants a divorce..." I asked if he'd met another woman, and my mom replied "No, not a woman..." FML

#15205288
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52337) - you deserved it (4404) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/05/2011 at 6:43am - love - by Anonymous - France (Alsace)

Today, my parents told me that due to my lacking height and weight, I legally have to sit in a booster seat in the car from now on. I'm nineteen. FML

#15188063
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43086) - you deserved it (4877)

On 03/03/2011 at 6:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, the dog went nuts at 3am. I searched the yard with a spotlight and machete. Nothing. He may actually just be an asshole. FML

#15184049
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23998) - you deserved it (5642)

On 03/03/2011 at 6:20am - animals - by panda -

Today, I had to explain to my one person on my staff why having kids aged 6 to 9 hammering in screws with the butt end of a screwdriver is neither safe, nor a good idea. FML

#15170872
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20741) - you deserved it (2631)

On 03/02/2011 at 12:22am - work - by AntiBobTheBuilder (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I paid €100 to have a tube shoved down my genitals. FML

#15154562
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28655) - you deserved it (7080)

On 02/28/2011 at 8:07pm - intimacy - by regretter -

Today, I overheard my parents in the kitchen talking about how they wanted to try anal tonight. There is over three and a half feet of snow outside, leaving me no way to escape the horrible sounds and mental images yet to come. FML

#15141244
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47679) - you deserved it (3790)

On 02/27/2011 at 4:42pm - intimacy - by Sam (woman) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I made plans with an old friend that I haven't seen in years. We agreed to meet at a diner and I told him I'd be standing outside. I watched him pull up, look right at me, then do something with his phone. Seconds later, I got a text saying "Sorry, but I'm busy today and can't make it." FML

#15130627
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32911) - you deserved it (3129)

On 02/26/2011 at 8:56pm - misc - by Angela (woman) - United States



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