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patebishop

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  • Number of visits : 2662
  • Number of comments : 47
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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patebishop's favorite FMLs

Today, I accidentally deep throated a fork. FML

#17150480
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17027) - you deserved it (34004)

On 07/17/2011 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by CaoiiBieber - Ireland

Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML

#17128085
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33357) - you deserved it (8204)

On 07/15/2011 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I couldn't shut a drawer in my kitchen, because an oven mitt was blocking it. An oven mitt filled with tin-foil wrapped electronics. My Mom believes Internet hackers can get into her digital camera and prepaid cell phone, and apparently tin-foil will prevent that. FML

#17102276
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19776) - you deserved it (1688)

On 07/14/2011 at 12:50am - misc - by BelleCharmante (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was invited over to a dinner with the CEOs of my company, along with my two children. My 3 year-old asked loudly why we have two "nose holes", to which my 4 year-old son replied "So you can pick your nose and still breathe!" He then demonstrated. FML

#17088457
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29015) - you deserved it (6183)

On 07/13/2011 at 12:43am - kids - by ohno - United States (Colorado)

Today, I took my mom to Victoria's Secret to help her find a bra. She made me try one on to see if it looked good on me. Turns out we have the same cup size. I'm a guy. FML

#17080127
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17532) - you deserved it (43774)

On 07/12/2011 at 12:45pm - misc - by sm702 - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using the "it's not you, it's me" speech with a slight variation, saying instead, "It's not me, it's you. And yes, I meant to say it that way round." FML

#17076544
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27685) - you deserved it (5465)

On 07/12/2011 at 3:14am - love - by Jackie Campbell - United States (Colorado)

Today, my 15 year old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML

#17010843
708 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16301) - you deserved it (87420)

On 07/07/2011 at 3:43am - kids - by shit - United States

Today, my friends staged an intervention. I'm not on drugs, I'm not an alcoholic, and I own my own house. My car is paid for and my job pays well. Apparently, I need an intervention because my life is not where they want it to be, which involves me being married with children. FML

#17004757
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34630) - you deserved it (3059)

On 07/06/2011 at 7:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I shaved my beard off. Turns out the skin under my beard is six shades lighter than the rest of my face. I look completely ridiculous. FML

#17000180
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34717) - you deserved it (11925)

On 07/06/2011 at 12:59pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my dad came home from work complaining about all the people he'd seen. He said he doesn't understand why so many people with problems have to confide in him. He's a psychologist. FML

#16999068
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26746) - you deserved it (2557)

On 07/06/2011 at 10:52am - misc - by siighh - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my ex-boyfriend posted on my boyfriend's facebook wall. Apparently I give awful blowjobs. FML

#16996053
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36726) - you deserved it (10340)

On 07/06/2011 at 2:15am - intimacy - by Anna - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML

#16984836
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26725) - you deserved it (2606)

On 07/05/2011 at 10:32am - misc - by omfgfmlife - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to come to terms with the fact that I'm getting older because my pubic hair is turning white. FML

#16983308
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32976) - you deserved it (5259)

On 07/05/2011 at 4:27am - intimacy - by davidthegreat (man) - Japan

Today, my drunk brother thought I could withstand a metal chair being slammed across my back like on the wrestling shows. I guess he didn't know that the shows are fake. FML

#16964534
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26730) - you deserved it (2475)

On 07/03/2011 at 7:04pm - health - by drunkinriot - United States

Today, my boss fired me for dating a co-worker. There's no policy forbidding it; he just thought it was unfair that I could get with the "hottest girl who works here" but he can't. I live in an at-will employment state. FML

#16960895
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26734) - you deserved it (2725)

On 07/03/2011 at 12:21pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Hampshire)



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