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patebishop's favorite FMLs
Today, I was on a subway with my boyfriend and it was stopping so I grabbed the pole for support. I felt another hand grabbing onto the pole knowing it was my boyfriend's. Without looking I carressed and tickled his hand. I turned around to smile at my boyfriend. The hand wasn't his. FML
by Noname / 02/25/2009 at 6:56pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation
Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML
by foolishgirl / 02/25/2009 at 1:41pm / United States (New York) / Work
Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those 70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML
by catfish / 02/23/2009 at 5:11pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mum came home from a business trip. My four-year-old brother, who I'd been watching, told her I was "sexing" my boyfriend a lot after I put him to bed. After lots of arguing, she banned me from seeing him and took my car away. Only much later did I realize my brother meant "texting". FML
by Megan / 02/23/2009 at 11:47am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I took my dog for a walk down by the river. I was throwing sticks for him with one hand and talking on the phone with the other. Then I accidentally threw my phone in the river instead of the stick and was standing there talking to the stick while my phone sat at the bottom of the river. FML
by El Boz / 02/22/2009 at 9:52am / United States (Maryland) / Animals
by 987564 / 02/22/2009 at 2:24am / Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi) / Love
by Spotted / 02/18/2009 at 5:09pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Kids
by Noname / 02/17/2009 at 9:52pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
by MLS / 02/14/2009 at 6:19pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by idkmybffjill? / 02/12/2009 at 11:12pm / United States (New York) / Work
Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML
by florisvanlent / 02/12/2009 at 11:17am / Netherlands (Drenthe) / Intimacy
Today, I went to a movie with my boyfriend. In the lobby, I asked why the glasses were not working. I said, "Do they only work inside the theater?" My boyfriend replied, "3-D glasses just work inside the movie, everything else in the World is pretty much 3-D." FML
by Noname / 02/12/2009 at 1:00am / United States (Oregon) / Geek
by imalilangel05 / 02/10/2009 at 10:08am / United States (Virginia) / Kids
by seb21 / 02/08/2009 at 9:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend sent me a link about a nine year old kid who wrote an iPhone app that gets 2000 downloads per week. I am a 28 year old software developer and have been failing to write an iPhone app for months. FML
by dinosaur / 02/07/2009 at 10:06pm / United States (Washington) / Geek
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, my 70 year old grandma was yelling at me to take a pregnancy test, in the middle of Walmart.… Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me. He looked at… Today, my Breaking Bad obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks." during…