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patebishop

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  • Number of visits : 3220
  • Number of comments : 47
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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patebishop's favorite FMLs

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

#12051058
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35617) - you deserved it (15301)

On 07/22/2010 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, my boyfriend showed me how he gives himself a semi-erection before he goes into the men's showers after training so his penis will look bigger in front of all the guys. I find it worrying that he won't have sex with me, but has no problem walking around in front of men naked with a semi. FML

#11968011
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34467) - you deserved it (4135)

On 07/18/2010 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by 4fucksake (woman) - Ireland (Sligo)

Today, my wife, daughter, and I get to spend the next 4 hours in the ER. Why? Because we're all throwing up at the same time. At least it counts as a family activity. FML

#11911346
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26446) - you deserved it (2998)

On 07/16/2010 at 12:17am - health - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got called a "loser" by an old man wearing pink flip-flops and riding a purple moped. FML

#11586440
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35018) - you deserved it (7383)

On 07/01/2010 at 11:19am - misc - by cooldude (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was at the store when I saw two extremely hot girls. I walked into their aisle and they looked at me and smiled. I stopped and pretended to look at something so I could listen to what they were saying. They started laughing and walked away. It turned out I was reading a box of tampons. FML

#11459455
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9508) - you deserved it (45973)

On 06/25/2010 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my vows that, in the dead silence, I farted. Loud. My brother showed me afterwards, on tape, over and over and over again. FML

#11028124
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38394) - you deserved it (6771)

On 06/07/2010 at 3:03am - love - by flipflop - United States (California)

Today, I logged onto Facebook and found out that my own mother unfriended me because she didn't want her new boyfriend to know that she had a daughter. FML

#11001063
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37420) - you deserved it (2609)

On 06/06/2010 at 1:23am - misc - by justdancebbyx3 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I spent some time in a sun-bed to prepare myself for a very special reunion with my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in 6 months. I hope he likes crispy red butt-cheeks, and I wonder whether they will start peeling before or after he returns. FML

#10938636
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7668) - you deserved it (32558)

On 06/03/2010 at 3:55am - health - by Aiaiii (woman) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, it was the hottest day of the year so I opened my sun roof. The hottest day of the year was followed by the biggest storm of the year. I forgot to close my sun roof and my car is now flooded. FML

#10815057
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11247) - you deserved it (28017)

On 05/28/2010 at 2:20am - misc - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went into a music store to look into getting a new guitar. I picked up one that I was interested in and tried it out quietly. A sales representative approached me and asked me to "stop the noise and leave the guitars for serious customers." I've been playing for almost ten years. FML

#10777263
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32048) - you deserved it (5414)

On 05/26/2010 at 2:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me through Skype, with the message "my penis wants more, but my heart and mind don't want to hurt you." FML

#10462251
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34788) - you deserved it (3844)

On 05/11/2010 at 4:56am - intimacy - by justsingle (woman) - Philippines

Today, I'm having a nice evening out on the town. After my complimentary round of drinks for my birthday, my friend walks in with a big pink gift-box. It was an inflatable... erm... 'friend.' Which then got unwrapped in front of several of my other friends. And several members of my family. FML

#10396972
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25150) - you deserved it (4397)

On 05/07/2010 at 4:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't lick the whipped cream I had on my nipples because "That stuff is full of calories." FML

#10158363
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39293) - you deserved it (8733)

On 04/26/2010 at 5:58am - intimacy - by Rowden (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I came back from a week long class trip. My mother took it upon herself to replace my bed sheets and clean my room. Apparently, she found a note under my mattress from my ex-boyfriend. It said "For all you future dudes, Connor was here first!" FML

#9645798
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31397) - you deserved it (9163)

On 04/05/2010 at 3:32am - intimacy - by FASHlONABLE - United States (California)



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