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patebishop's favorite FMLs
Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML
by Anonymous / 07/22/2010 at 8:39pm / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend showed me how he gives himself a semi-erection before he goes into the men's showers after training so his penis will look bigger in front of all the guys. I find it worrying that he won't have sex with me, but has no problem walking around in front of men naked with a semi. FML
by 4fucksake / 07/18/2010 at 7:26pm / Ireland (Sligo) / Intimacy
by cooldude / 07/01/2010 at 11:19am / United States (Arkansas) / Transportation
Today, I was at the store when I saw two extremely hot girls. I walked into their aisle and they looked at me and smiled. I stopped and pretended to look at something so I could listen to what they were saying. They started laughing and walked away. It turned out I was reading a box of tampons. FML
by Anonymous / 06/25/2010 at 8:29pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
by flipflop / 06/07/2010 at 3:03am / United States (California) / Love
by justdancebbyx3 / 06/06/2010 at 1:23am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I spent some time in a sun-bed to prepare myself for a very special reunion with my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in 6 months. I hope he likes crispy red butt-cheeks, and I wonder whether they will start peeling before or after he returns. FML
by Aiaiii / 06/03/2010 at 3:55am / Germany (Niedersachsen) / Health
Today, it was the hottest day of the year so I opened my sun roof. The hottest day of the year was followed by the biggest storm of the year. I forgot to close my sun roof and my car is now flooded. FML
by Username / 05/28/2010 at 2:20am / Transportation
Today, I went into a music store to look into getting a new guitar. I picked up one that I was interested in and tried it out quietly. A sales representative approached me and asked me to "stop the noise and leave the guitars for serious customers." I've been playing for almost ten years. FML
by Anonymous / 05/26/2010 at 2:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by justsingle / 05/11/2010 at 4:56am / Philippines / Intimacy
Today, I'm having a nice evening out on the town. After my complimentary round of drinks for my birthday, my friend walks in with a big pink gift-box. It was an inflatable... erm... 'friend.' Which then got unwrapped in front of several of my other friends. And several members of my family. FML
by Anonymous / 05/07/2010 at 4:30am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Rowden / 04/26/2010 at 5:58am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
by buttpicker / 04/19/2010 at 7:24pm / United States / Animals
Today, I came back from a week long class trip. My mother took it upon herself to replace my bed sheets and clean my room. Apparently, she found a note under my mattress from my ex-boyfriend. It said "For all you future dudes, Connor was here first!" FML
by FASHlONABLE / 04/05/2010 at 3:32am / United States (California) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…