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paintedchocolate

Offline (the 08/19/2014 at 10:56am) | Search for a member

paintedchocolate

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 12 December 1995 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1148
  • Number of comments : 65
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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paintedchocolate's favorite FMLs

Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML

#4235904
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63125) - you deserved it (5109)

On 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by theregoesmyspermcount (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML

#4158002
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57150) - you deserved it (17193)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:43am - animals - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I said to our pool-boy, "I know what you're doing, and you have to stop it." He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML

#3973803
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55256) - you deserved it (7919)

On 07/23/2009 at 7:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML

#3232657
685 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84215) - you deserved it (19351)

On 06/26/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by ILuvYouSoldiers (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML

#3229865
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67088) - you deserved it (39315)

On 06/26/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Jeweler (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went out to dinner with my brother. There was a very attractive man sitting a few tables away who kept glancing at me. When my brother excused himself to the bathroom, the man worked up the courage to come over and introduce himself to me. He asked me if my brother was single. FML

#3104897
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60488) - you deserved it (4547)

On 06/21/2009 at 10:45pm - intimacy - by Kat (woman) - United States

Today, my daughter finally walked down the aisle with a man she loves very much. While I was escorting her, I managed to trip and fall down revealing what I've been trying to hide all of this time: my shiny gleaming bald head that showed when my wig fell off. FML

#2935439
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45816) - you deserved it (11350)

On 06/16/2009 at 6:49am - misc - by Unlucky (man) - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

#1604682
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (261402) - you deserved it (17228)

On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

#1250407
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52816) - you deserved it (10040)

On 04/23/2009 at 6:45am - misc - by DBR (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

#881347
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38468) - you deserved it (129155)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my siblings came home for the weekend. At dinner, my dad started complaining at how one of my siblings had gotten fired, one was failing college, and the other was gay. He went on to say I was 17 and already had a bright future. I'm pregnant. FML

#792212
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45447) - you deserved it (53915)

On 04/03/2009 at 10:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

#527227
519 comments

I agree, your life sucks (241345) - you deserved it (31668)

On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mother finally had her beloved Siamese cat cremated. The cat has been dead for over a week and she has been keeping it on her bed, stroking its fur and saying, "She looks like she's sleeping" and "She's so cold." To top it all off, she's been calling me by the cat's name for three years. FML

#293616
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86864) - you deserved it (3588)

On 03/12/2009 at 10:20pm - animals - by LJ (woman) - United States (Florida)



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