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Offline (the 11/19/2015 at 3:13pm) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 12 December 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3029
  • Number of comments : 83
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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paintedchocolate's page activity

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paintedchocolate's favorite FMLs

Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML


I agree, your life sucks (32972) - you deserved it (17112)

On 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm - misc - by chocochoco - United States (New York)

Today, I was doodling randomly during a meeting at work, and I noticed my drawing was beginning to look a bit like a penis. A coworker was eyeing it so I tried to make it something else by adding... oh good, now it's a penis and balls. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36446) - you deserved it (12816)

On 02/27/2014 at 6:59am - work - by doodler - United States (Texas)

Today, I'm stuck in a hotel with my psychotic mom, all because she swore there were "demonic" noises coming from our oven. Yeah, our oven is totally possessed, you idiot. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40521) - you deserved it (4633)

On 02/15/2014 at 3:51pm - misc - by fuck my goddamn life (man) - United States

Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML


I agree, your life sucks (64926) - you deserved it (9123)

On 01/21/2014 at 8:16pm - health - by AnonWife - United Kingdom (North Lincolnshire)

Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML


I agree, your life sucks (48920) - you deserved it (5241)

On 01/11/2014 at 1:52pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, I was at a basketball game. Sitting in the bleachers, I looked over at my friend and said, "Number 33 has a really cute butt." The man in front of us turned around, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Thanks." Number 33's dad was a very proud father. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49705) - you deserved it (13509)

On 01/05/2014 at 12:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44489) - you deserved it (8312) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm - misc - by Elisa_LmR (woman) - France

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

Today, I took an extra xanax to help with my anxiety, then went to sleep. I guess it was probably too much, because I woke up a few hours later, freaking out and panicking because I was convinced I was a bee trapped in a human body. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43365) - you deserved it (10185)

On 12/28/2013 at 4:19pm - health - by beemove (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up to a loud crashing in the middle of the night. I went to investigate, but found nothing amiss. Nothing except an axe firmly wedged in my front door, that is. It's safe to say that I have no clue who did it, and that I needed a fresh pair of underwear. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45811) - you deserved it (2743)

On 12/20/2013 at 4:05pm - misc - by nopissleft (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, it was safe to say I started sleepwalking again, after I woke up with a mouth filled with soil and a ravaged plant. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39469) - you deserved it (3490)

On 12/17/2013 at 10:38am - health - by adventurousnightsbutnotinagoodway (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I would like to thank the program designer that put "Set as home page" directly under "Remove from history". FML


I agree, your life sucks (40157) - you deserved it (10827)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:38am - misc - by The_Rest_of_the_Story (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML


I agree, your life sucks (55254) - you deserved it (8642)

On 12/11/2013 at 7:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

C comme Line's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

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FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #20
  • Here we are in November! Winter is here, for most of us, it's dark, grey and depressing and if you're the kind of person who watches network news 24/7, you're probably going to need some cheering up.…

Monday 30 November 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

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