Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

paintedchocolate

Offline (11 hours ago) | Search for a member

paintedchocolate

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 12 December 1995 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1412
  • Number of comments : 65
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

paintedchocolate's page activity

Visits<b>cryssycakesx3</b> - the 09/29/2014 at 2:44am<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 2:02pm<b>annmarie_124</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 9:36am<b>tralala453</b> - the 11/15/2013 at 9:09pm<b>foxychik10704</b> - the 09/27/2013 at 9:45pm<b>Panguslicker</b> - the 02/25/2013 at 1:03am<b>stevenJB</b> - the 02/15/2013 at 11:20am<b>jfb420</b> - the 02/14/2013 at 4:10pm<b>hoffmanam</b> - the 02/10/2013 at 3:25pm<b>luebbe</b> - the 02/08/2013 at 11:54pm<b>BlendedSupreme</b> - the 02/08/2013 at 4:59pm<b>magicmarco</b> - the 02/08/2013 at 12:03pm<b>zango1</b> - the 01/26/2013 at 8:10am

paintedchocolate's FML badges

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of paintedchocolate's badges

paintedchocolate's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to eat the orange I'd brought to work, but couldn't find it. After minutes searching, I found it. Nailed to the ceiling. FML

#18517264
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25723) - you deserved it (2542)

On 12/15/2011 at 1:57am - work - by Username - United States (California)

Today, Santa ran over my foot with a Segway. FML

#18435117
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22216) - you deserved it (2563)

On 12/05/2011 at 8:21am - misc - by areyouserial - United States

Today, my husband and I went to my overbearing mom's 57th birthday party. He opened his gift in front of her and said smugly, "The makeup's for your face, and the prayer book's for the fat rolls." Any hope of family peace is now lost. FML

#18414489
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21601) - you deserved it (3182)

On 12/02/2011 at 8:35pm - love - by bad blood, no shit (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, it's the second week into my new neighbors' routine. He works nights, she works days. He likes to blast out Slayer and Napalm Death all day, she likes to drunkenly sing out of tune to Adele all night. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. FML

#18353086
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26159) - you deserved it (2059)

On 11/26/2011 at 1:03am - misc - by Help - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML

#18036451
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23470) - you deserved it (4278)

On 10/21/2011 at 1:42am - animals - by Dv0829 - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me for the first time. He stopped just as I was about to orgasm, and asked if I could finish by myself. Apparently he'd come up with a new algorithm for the Rubik's Cube on my desk and wanted to try it out. FML

#17892959
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36754) - you deserved it (4123)

On 10/03/2011 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Kayt (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dad got into an argument with the cashier about how overpriced the scented tampons were. FML

#17663031
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27042) - you deserved it (2371)

On 09/04/2011 at 5:17pm - misc - by ohaifml - United States (Texas)

Today, I found my husband Googling Morse Code. He thinks his farts are trying to communicate with him. FML

#17611865
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30301) - you deserved it (3414)

On 08/29/2011 at 11:38am - health - by KJL - United States

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

#17586114
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31404) - you deserved it (5443)

On 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML

#17526799
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30421) - you deserved it (4650)

On 08/20/2011 at 3:42am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a completely normal work day. Other than the fact that my boss dressed up like the lead singer from KISS and hit us with a foam sword at random. My boss is 49. FML

#17176050
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27485) - you deserved it (6085)

On 07/19/2011 at 11:19am - work - by Bill Harrison - United States

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

#17089969
509 comments

I agree, your life sucks (131536) - you deserved it (7340)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by whyme102008 - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML

#16639445
449 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48186) - you deserved it (5571)

On 06/13/2011 at 2:25am - intimacy - by John jacob - United States (Georgia)

Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML

#16128268
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33605) - you deserved it (14855)

On 05/11/2011 at 10:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I work at McDonald's. The entire crew, myself included, got visibly excited that we had new trash cans and dust pans. FML

#16063941
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31933) - you deserved it (7472)

On 05/06/2011 at 1:15am - work - by Tyler (man) - United States (Ohio)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: