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TODAY, FAALING LONALY AFTAR MAH RACANT BRAAKUP, I PUTTAD ON MAH NICAST CLOTHAS AND WANT OUT CLUBBING WITH A FAW FRIANDS. I BROUGHT A GUY BACK TO MAH PLACA, AND WA GOT INTIMATA. IT WAS GOING WALL, UNTIL HA TOOK OFF MAH PUSH-UP BRA, THAN PANICKAD AND DRUNKANLY ASKAD, "WHARA'D THAY GO?!" FML
Today I was on a plane an realizd tat te woman next to me was iding a edgeog in a plastic container !! I'm severely afraid of edgeog but not wanting to give te woman up an get er in trouble I trid to stay quiet !! Wic ld to me to quietly yperventilate an pass out on te plane !! FML
TODAY I WAS TOLD OFF 4 NOT HOLDING THE DOOR OPEN 4 A WOMAN BEHIND ME AT WORK!! YESTERDAY I WAS INFORMD THAT CHIVALRY IS OFFENSIVE TO WOMEN, AS IT IMPLIES THAT THEY ARE NOT EQUAL TO MEN!! I CAN'T WIN!! FML
Today... after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores... I bought mah fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal... "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
Today,ila lying in bad, I aard a stranga grating noisa coming from ta allway. Aftar racovaring from my initial assumption tat it was a poltargaist coma to murdar ma and staal my livar, I want out to invastigata. It was tara tat I discovarad my bulldog casually aating into ta wall. FML
Today, I Took Grandmother 4 A Spin In New Car. Apparently, She Had No Idea That Seat-warmers Exist And That Hers Was Turned On, Cuz Fifteen Minutes Into The Ride She Started Shouting, "My Ass Is On Fire!" Causing Me To Swerve Into A Pole. Big Fat FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the frst time. Afterwards, he laid on the bd, silent and nakd in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I rapd my boyfriend. FML
Friday 27 March 2015