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otakuchica's favorite FMLs
by HamSandwich12 / 05/08/2013 at 10:17am / United States (Ohio) / Health
Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML
by chase / 01/24/2013 at 7:54pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Intimacy
Today, I was on a plane and realized that the woman next to me was hiding a hedgehog in a plastic container. I'm severely afraid of hedgehogs but not wanting to give the woman up and get her in trouble, I tried to stay quiet. Which led to me to quietly hyperventilate and pass out on the plane. FML
by scaredofhedges / 01/07/2013 at 5:21am / United States (California) / Transportation
by ww2freak / 06/13/2012 at 9:17pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was told off for not holding the door open for a woman behind me at work. Yesterday I was informed that chivalry is offensive to women, as it implies that they are not equal to men. I can't win. FML
by JohnBlack / 06/11/2012 at 11:56pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by SeeingLlamas / 04/17/2012 at 5:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Health
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML
by Baustigt / 04/10/2012 at 6:48am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals
Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML
by BOOP / 02/17/2012 at 8:25am / United States (Montana) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 02/03/2012 at 2:58am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Kids
by blegh / 12/27/2011 at 4:50pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2011 at 6:54am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by hot_shot / 11/28/2011 at 8:33pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
by Margo / 11/15/2011 at 10:16am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids
by Anonymous / 11/02/2011 at 4:18pm / United States / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…