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orphinz's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to the pharmacy to purchase a brace for my sprained wrist. My wife and I had recently ran out of KY lotion, so I decided to pick up a bottle while I was there. It didn't occur to me that these two items could be perceived as being related until the cashier began to giggle. FML
by joeheathen / 11/13/2009 at 7:57am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by kjirut / 10/27/2009 at 2:49pm / Norway (Oslo) / Intimacy
Today, my friend thought it would be funny to dress in all black with a ski mask and use my spare key to break into my house as a joke. He though it was even funnier when I jumped out the window and broke my leg. FML
by Anonymous / 10/03/2009 at 1:55pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was watching a movie with my new boyfriend. I got tired so I thought it would be cute to fall asleep on him. He woke me up and said "You got me wet" Thinking it was a joke, I said smoothly, "That's what she said" He replied "No really." I looked down, I'd drooled all over his shirt. FML
by drooler / 08/05/2009 at 10:23pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by andi0804 / 08/04/2009 at 9:33pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by cmac1229 / 06/23/2009 at 6:52pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was watching tv on the couch. My mom then kicked me off so she could lie down. Exhausted, I asked if I could sit at the end. She said no. A minute later she called the dog to come sit with her. As I was sitting on the ground, my mom told me to move because "the dog can't see the TV." FML
by holly / 05/24/2009 at 2:05pm / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, my friends and I saw a movie. We sat in the balcony. Halfway during the movie we heard a commotion, thinking it was a group of unruly teenagers like us, we began to pelt the lower half of the theater with candy. We later learned that it was a man having a heart attack. FML
by Anonymous / 04/06/2009 at 10:11pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by blondie / 03/24/2009 at 7:10pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, I got to my underground parking garage at work and saw my boss pulling into a spot. I thought I would show him my reverse parking skills and decided to park beside him. As I was pulling in he opened his door to get out and I smashed into it, nearly running him over. FML
by mikej1985 / 03/20/2009 at 1:11pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I typed an essay on my friend's computer, so she forwarded it to me in a email and she made the subject "here bitch" as a joke. I then went to email the essay to my teacher. I forwarded it thinking nothing of it only to realize that I didn't change the subject name. FML
by Brittany / 03/01/2009 at 3:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I drove to a party after getting my car back from the shop. A thunderstorm started as I made my way there and upon arriving, the power went out. The guests decided to watch the storm from the front windows when someone mentioned how funny it would be if a tree fell on my car. Seconds later, one did. FML
by Jessie / 02/23/2009 at 3:08am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
Today, I was refilling some guy's iced tea at bandana's, and the uppity jerk had the gall to ask me if I ever kissed a girl considering how fat I am, how high my voice is, and how little money I make. FML
by sportskidguru / 02/01/2009 at 9:41am / United States (Missouri) / Work
Today, after making love to my girlfriend, I realised that the phone was on the bed and because of the movements, it called my dad by itself. It went to voicemail. My dad will soon have all the details. FML
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…