orphinz

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orphinz

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1669
  • Number of comments : 52
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 13 posted

About orphinz : Hi-5!

orphinz's page activity

Visits<b>TheGreastest</b> - the 09/15/2016 at 4:37am<b>kingcast25</b> - the 04/30/2016 at 5:34pm<b>senor_octubre</b> - the 03/28/2016 at 2:18pm<b>jman1324</b> - the 03/23/2016 at 4:39pm<b>IAm123</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 12:56am<b>coleS70</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 8:27pm<b>Johnatron</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 2:06pm<b>abby1212</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 10:25am<b>pizzzzza</b> - the 06/10/2015 at 9:26pm<b>cdncw</b> - the 05/28/2015 at 3:21pm<b>raineie09</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 4:25pm<b>forsook</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 2:49am<b>UserOfTheMind</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 4:47pm<b>elexin</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 7:42am<b>kelseysking</b> - the 01/05/2015 at 11:23am<b>GeorgetheOreo</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 4:46am<b>papashaan</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 2:58pm<b>xivoricbutterfly</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 11:09am

orphinz's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

orphinz's favorite FMLs

Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML

by Mr. Sensitive Nips / 03/17/2011 at 6:38pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was on the bus, it hit a bump on the road and made me hit a elderly man. The bus driver thought I did it on purpose and made me get off. FML

by Parade / 02/28/2011 at 1:00am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I brought home a ukulele I had just bought. Excited, I showed my dad. He then looked at me, smirked, and said "Just like everything else you have, it's a bit smaller than normal." FML

by Austyn / 02/18/2011 at 2:55am / Miscellaneous

Today, after dealing with tons of drama and working a 14 hour shift, I took a shower. When I stepped out, a weak spot in the floor gave way. While falling through the floor I grabbed the toilet tank lid, which fell into the tank and broke it. Now my leg hurts and the bathroom's flooded. FML

by TheKingDavis / 02/14/2011 at 2:11am / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got a reply to the letter to a celebrity that I had to write for my English class. It was a restraining order. FML

by PrestonW / 02/09/2011 at 10:53am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was driving my family home, when my 7 year old son had to pee. Having long since passed any rest stops, I made him use a bottle. Once he was done, he grenaded the bottle out the window, hitting someone's windshield dead on. FML

by wtfson / 12/13/2010 at 2:35am / Kids

Today, I was mad at my mother. Why? We went to parent-teacher interviews, and she told my math teacher that she should allow bathroom breaks because I have a "very heavy menstrual flow." My teacher suggested I eat more red meat. They got into a seven-minute argument about this. FML

by noname / 11/07/2010 at 12:04am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, I found my brother tampering with my laptop. He had changed the entire settings, in ways I don't even know how to fix. I finally had to get my mom to threaten him to change it back to its original setting. I'm 15. He's six and can barely get dressed by himself. FML

by fmlforreal / 10/15/2010 at 4:33am / Singapore / Geek

Today, I went jet skiing with my girlfriend of four years. I intended to propose to her. The $2000 ring fell out of my pocket and into the lake. I have no idea where it is. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 2:14pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, my boyfriend woke up to the flash of a camera. It was his mother taking pictures of my shoe print on his window sill and night stand. She said she was collecting evidence proving I snuck in through his window last night. FML

by AmNot / 08/05/2010 at 12:38am / United States / Love

Today, my entire family thinks I'm a lesbian. I'm straight. I'm embarrassed and don't know how to tell them that I've been single for so long because I can't get a guy. FML

by likesboys / 05/19/2010 at 8:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I got excited because a snowman I had built lasted a whole week, which is uncommon in my mild climate area. I thought myself lucky, and that my life was turning around. Then I realized how lame my whole train of thought was. FML

by JoshuaRob / 03/03/2010 at 1:10am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I begged my husband to take me to the ER cause my stomach hurt so bad I thought I was gonna die. He told me to go sit on the toilet and stop being a drama queen. I drove myself to the hospital just in time for my appendix to burst. I almost died because my husband was busy playing xbox. FML

by Jeri / 02/26/2010 at 7:55am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of my dad constantly hitting on her. Not because she was disgusted, but because she wants to date him. FML

by Junior / 01/26/2010 at 2:35am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was going out with my supermodel-gorgeous friend, so I put extra effort into looking good. I thought I looked pretty good, but when we got to the station, a drunk old man looked at us and loudly announced "That's always the way it is, there's a fit one and an ugly one". FML

by uglyone / 01/13/2010 at 9:06am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Love