About orphinz : Hi-5!
About orphinz : Hi-5!
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orphinz's favorite FMLs
Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML
by Mr. Sensitive Nips / 03/17/2011 at 6:38pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Parade / 02/28/2011 at 1:00am / United States (New York) / Transportation
Today, after dealing with tons of drama and working a 14 hour shift, I took a shower. When I stepped out, a weak spot in the floor gave way. While falling through the floor I grabbed the toilet tank lid, which fell into the tank and broke it. Now my leg hurts and the bathroom's flooded. FML
by TheKingDavis / 02/14/2011 at 2:11am / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
by PrestonW / 02/09/2011 at 10:53am / Miscellaneous
Today, I was driving my family home, when my 7 year old son had to pee. Having long since passed any rest stops, I made him use a bottle. Once he was done, he grenaded the bottle out the window, hitting someone's windshield dead on. FML
Today, I was mad at my mother. Why? We went to parent-teacher interviews, and she told my math teacher that she should allow bathroom breaks because I have a "very heavy menstrual flow." My teacher suggested I eat more red meat. They got into a seven-minute argument about this. FML
by noname / 11/07/2010 at 12:04am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
Today, I found my brother tampering with my laptop. He had changed the entire settings, in ways I don't even know how to fix. I finally had to get my mom to threaten him to change it back to its original setting. I'm 15. He's six and can barely get dressed by himself. FML
by fmlforreal / 10/15/2010 at 4:33am / Singapore / Geek
by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 2:14pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, my boyfriend woke up to the flash of a camera. It was his mother taking pictures of my shoe print on his window sill and night stand. She said she was collecting evidence proving I snuck in through his window last night. FML
by AmNot / 08/05/2010 at 12:38am / United States / Love
by likesboys / 05/19/2010 at 8:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I got excited because a snowman I had built lasted a whole week, which is uncommon in my mild climate area. I thought myself lucky, and that my life was turning around. Then I realized how lame my whole train of thought was. FML
by JoshuaRob / 03/03/2010 at 1:10am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I begged my husband to take me to the ER cause my stomach hurt so bad I thought I was gonna die. He told me to go sit on the toilet and stop being a drama queen. I drove myself to the hospital just in time for my appendix to burst. I almost died because my husband was busy playing xbox. FML
by Jeri / 02/26/2010 at 7:55am / United States (California) / Health
by Junior / 01/26/2010 at 2:35am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I was going out with my supermodel-gorgeous friend, so I put extra effort into looking good. I thought I looked pretty good, but when we got to the station, a drunk old man looked at us and loudly announced "That's always the way it is, there's a fit one and an ugly one". FML
by uglyone / 01/13/2010 at 9:06am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Love
- Today, I was hanging out with a friend and her boyfriend, when he decided to start a conversation… Today, I realized the only reason I have a job is because I'm seeing my bosses daughter but she's a… Today, I was craving a bean & cheese burrito. After trying to forget about burritos for half of the…
- Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because…