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Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27254) - you deserved it (3271)
On 02/20/2013 at 1:55am - intimacy - by jealouspussy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I played a game of Monopoly with my friends. Since I'm of Greek origin, they thought it would be funny to make me start with a €100,000 debt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20554) - you deserved it (3704) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 12/13/2012 at 9:25pm - money - by Money-money-money (woman) - France
Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21058) - you deserved it (4559)
On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, after having bought my daughter a complete set of new school clothes, she threw a tantrum and refused to wear them. I told her she could either wear them, or go to school naked. She made if half-way down the street in the nude before I caught up and dragged her back inside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17981) - you deserved it (6397)
On 10/05/2012 at 2:22pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wokingham)
Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45430) - you deserved it (7535)
On 08/01/2012 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada
Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26578) - you deserved it (6409)
On 05/30/2012 at 5:46am - intimacy - by Brax (man) - United States
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25494) - you deserved it (4297)
On 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by PUA - United States (Georgia)
Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22500) - you deserved it (12961)
On 03/14/2012 at 3:51am - misc - by daddy-o - United States (Utah)
Today, while having sex, I told my boyfriend that I love him. I could feel him go soft inside me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36006) - you deserved it (6993)
On 12/30/2011 at 8:36pm - intimacy - by KrissyBearr - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22183) - you deserved it (25385) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, my 15 year old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14781) - you deserved it (69231)
On 07/07/2011 at 3:43am - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my girlfriend who was planning on waiting until marriage for sex decided to have sex with me. It's been 4 hours and she hasn't stopped crying, praying and calling me the devil's temptation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46122) - you deserved it (14701)
On 07/06/2011 at 7:26am - intimacy - by devilboy - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I got asked on a date. I was later told we had to cancel. Why? My ex is parked in front of his house and he is afraid to leave. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33420) - you deserved it (2580)
On 06/29/2011 at 4:41pm - love - by nolove4me (woman) - United States (Alaska)
Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. His partly digested nachos decided to make an appearance halfway through. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34890) - you deserved it (3291)
On 04/16/2011 at 3:18pm - love - by ColdHeat (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29937) - you deserved it (43725)
On 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm - kids - by failureparent (man) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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