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orkis

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orkis

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orkis's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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orkis's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned the worst part about being dared to shave your ass hair: Stubble. FML

#21079543
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35889) - you deserved it (15006)

On 03/06/2014 at 9:54am - health - by DaggerHole (man) - Australia

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

#21077048
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62767) - you deserved it (8511)

On 03/03/2014 at 5:35pm - intimacy - by fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU (man) - United States (California)

Today, my superior gave me a box of ethernet cables which were previously attached to mainframes storing classified data. He requested I cut them in half so that the residual data would leak out. Not only does this guy make twice my salary, there was no convincing him otherwise. We cut them up. FML

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

#20514475
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37324) - you deserved it (5286)

On 02/20/2013 at 1:55am - intimacy - by jealouspussy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I played a game of Monopoly with my friends. Since I'm of Greek origin, they thought it would be funny to make me start with a €100,000 debt. FML

#20398504
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26497) - you deserved it (4930) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/13/2012 at 9:25pm - money - by Money-money-money (woman) - France

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

#20105380
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31491) - you deserved it (6537)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after having bought my daughter a complete set of new school clothes, she threw a tantrum and refused to wear them. I told her she could either wear them, or go to school naked. She made if half-way down the street in the nude before I caught up and dragged her back inside. FML

#20102964
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25661) - you deserved it (9120)

On 10/05/2012 at 2:22pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wokingham)

Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML

#19995628
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56517) - you deserved it (10348)

On 08/01/2012 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML

#19703392
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35056) - you deserved it (8646)

On 05/30/2012 at 5:46am - intimacy - by Brax (man) - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML

#19279132
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32976) - you deserved it (5855)

On 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by PUA - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML

#19276120
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28927) - you deserved it (18107)

On 03/14/2012 at 3:51am - misc - by daddy-o - United States (Utah)

Today, while having sex, I told my boyfriend that I love him. I could feel him go soft inside me. FML

#18657042
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43075) - you deserved it (9125)

On 12/30/2011 at 8:36pm - intimacy - by KrissyBearr - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

#17789200
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26882) - you deserved it (35645) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 09/20/2011 at 5:20pm - intimacy - by Prinpette - France

Today, my 15 year old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML

#17010843
708 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18645) - you deserved it (94924)

On 07/07/2011 at 3:43am - kids - by shit - United States

Today, my girlfriend who was planning on waiting until marriage for sex decided to have sex with me. It's been 4 hours and she hasn't stopped crying, praying and calling me the devil's temptation. FML

#16998038
389 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53398) - you deserved it (16739)

On 07/06/2011 at 7:26am - intimacy - by devilboy - Australia (New South Wales)



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