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oomph

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oomph

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Friday 2 June 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 340
  • Number of comments : 40
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About oomph : I'm actually quite dull.

oomph's page activity

Visits<b>Way2Fast8</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 12:20am<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 12:00am<b>aa1717</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 1:41am<b>Edogg215</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 7:41pm<b>Sebastian2022</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 11:56pm<b>jazzybrar</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 2:22am<b>inner_peace</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 1:31am<b>HotShot313</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 1:24am<b>Mons</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 1:59am<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 10:23pm<b>totallybananas</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 12:02am<b>Wolverine33</b> - the 05/20/2014 at 7:26pm<b>blissmiss17</b> - the 03/25/2014 at 12:24am<b>mpkpm</b> - the 03/12/2014 at 9:35pm<b>Dodopy</b> - the 02/17/2014 at 8:12am<b>TheImaginarySong</b> - the 12/30/2013 at 10:19pm<b>Austin0101</b> - the 11/28/2013 at 2:11am<b>Gunnie</b> - the 11/23/2013 at 11:16am

oomph's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

See all of oomph's badges

oomph's favorite FMLs

Today, I confided to my grandma that I'm suffering from depression and I feel like a burden to everyone. She replied that her grandpa used to suffer from depression too, but that he'd cured himself in the end, namely by committing suicide. Thanks, grandma, thanks. FML

#21226890
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39257) - you deserved it (3550)

On 08/01/2014 at 4:09pm - health - by lacieQ (woman) - Canada

Today, I was scrubbing the bloody aftermath of a successful mouse trap off of my stove with an old toothbrush. After a few good scrubs, out of habit I put the toothbrush in my mouth while I turned on the water. FML

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, he started sucking on my breast. He ended up popping a pimple on it into his mouth. He threw up and that, as they say, was the end of that. FML

#21064527
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45947) - you deserved it (16919)

On 02/18/2014 at 2:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Virgin Islands, U.S.

Today, concerned about my daughter's recent behavior, I looked through her web browser history. I found web searches for information on how to make a bomb to blow up a "horse". I'm not sure if she's illiterate, but either way it seems I need to get her some help. FML

#20977212
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39251) - you deserved it (3800)

On 12/01/2013 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML

#20837089
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55129) - you deserved it (5024)

On 08/14/2013 at 1:39pm - misc - by NewBride (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, one of my cats gave birth. My other cat responded by eating the new litter in a jealous rage, then got indigestion and vomited. I had to clean up regurgitated kittens. FML

Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. 20 minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML

#20708003
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53314) - you deserved it (4047)

On 06/05/2013 at 6:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I went to therapy. I started talking about my childhood and my life. By the time the session was over my therapist was crying. FML

#20651461
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60186) - you deserved it (3836)

On 05/09/2013 at 1:30am - health - by Screwed Up (man) - United States

Today, I went with my dad to Starbucks. There is this really cute guy who works there and he kept looking over at me, so I went over to say hi. He ended up asking if my dad was single. FML

#20538966
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41269) - you deserved it (3826)

On 03/11/2013 at 12:17am - love - by lonely girl - United States

Today, I downloaded a movie that I already own on DVD, because I was feeling too lazy to get up and fetch it from the living room. I think I've hit rock bottom. FML

#20516729
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10037) - you deserved it (44940) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/21/2013 at 7:16pm - misc - by lolo - Israel (HaDarom)

Today, I watched The Passion of the Christ with my girlfriend. She kept scoffing at what she called the "historical inaccuracies", and actually tried to convince me that Hitler killed Jesus. When I corrected her, she looked at me, mouth agape, as if I was insane. FML

#20498635
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31435) - you deserved it (4628)

On 02/08/2013 at 7:44pm - love - by and she doesn't even give bjs (man) - Argentina (Distrito Federal)

Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

#20436012
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51180) - you deserved it (3860)

On 01/01/2013 at 10:20am - intimacy - by ashbeat - Australia (New South Wales)



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