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oomph

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oomph

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Friday 2 June 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 533
  • Number of comments : 40
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About oomph : I'm boring, kawaii and love cats.

oomph's page activity

Visits<b>hardesty</b> - the 02/17/2015 at 10:12pm<b>jerryj</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 1:16am<b>TacoloverSWE</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 6:06pm<b>sdroze1389</b> - the 01/10/2015 at 1:14pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 12/25/2014 at 8:40pm<b>Murkyy</b> - the 12/25/2014 at 9:27am<b>cactusprick</b> - the 12/25/2014 at 12:50am<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 12/21/2014 at 8:31pm<b>decimater</b> - the 12/18/2014 at 9:11pm<b>sorahearts</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 7:41pm<b>MissQ</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 12:10am<b>Way2Fast8</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 12:20am<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 12:00am<b>aa1717</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 1:41am<b>Edogg215</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 7:41pm<b>Sebastian2022</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 11:56pm<b>jazzybrar</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 2:22am<b>inner_peace</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 1:31am

oomph's FML badges

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

See all of oomph's badges

oomph's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

#21346857
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33892) - you deserved it (3155)

On 01/30/2015 at 3:16pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had a one night stand. After holding in my farts all night as is done, I decided enough was enough and to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out instead I shit myself in her bed. I was naked at the time so was unable to hide it. FML

#21346279
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29052) - you deserved it (12834)

On 01/29/2015 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my ex sent me a pack of beer to screw with me. I'm still going to AA, and I thought I was almost over it. Five bottles later, I realized I'm not. We didn't break up over my drinking, either; it was because after just 2 weeks of dating, she threatened to kill herself if I didn't marry her. FML

#21292603
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34095) - you deserved it (3315)

On 11/05/2014 at 8:57am - health - by AAnonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I confided to my grandma that I'm suffering from depression and I feel like a burden to everyone. She replied that her grandpa used to suffer from depression too, but that he'd cured himself in the end, namely by committing suicide. Thanks, grandma, thanks. FML

#21226890
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39556) - you deserved it (3567)

On 08/01/2014 at 4:09pm - health - by lacieQ (woman) - Canada

Today, I was scrubbing the bloody aftermath of a successful mouse trap off of my stove with an old toothbrush. After a few good scrubs, out of habit I put the toothbrush in my mouth while I turned on the water. FML

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, he started sucking on my breast. He ended up popping a pimple on it into his mouth. He threw up and that, as they say, was the end of that. FML

#21064527
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48326) - you deserved it (17849)

On 02/18/2014 at 2:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Virgin Islands, U.S.

Today, concerned about my daughter's recent behavior, I looked through her web browser history. I found web searches for information on how to make a bomb to blow up a "horse". I'm not sure if she's illiterate, but either way it seems I need to get her some help. FML

#20977212
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39398) - you deserved it (3810)

On 12/01/2013 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML

#20837089
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55338) - you deserved it (5036)

On 08/14/2013 at 1:39pm - misc - by NewBride (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, one of my cats gave birth. My other cat responded by eating the new litter in a jealous rage, then got indigestion and vomited. I had to clean up regurgitated kittens. FML

Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. 20 minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML

#20708003
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53517) - you deserved it (4056)

On 06/05/2013 at 6:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I went to therapy. I started talking about my childhood and my life. By the time the session was over my therapist was crying. FML

#20651461
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61704) - you deserved it (3944)

On 05/09/2013 at 1:30am - health - by Screwed Up (man) - United States

Today, I went with my dad to Starbucks. There is this really cute guy who works there and he kept looking over at me, so I went over to say hi. He ended up asking if my dad was single. FML

#20538966
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42684) - you deserved it (3950)

On 03/11/2013 at 12:17am - love - by lonely girl - United States

Today, I downloaded a movie that I already own on DVD, because I was feeling too lazy to get up and fetch it from the living room. I think I've hit rock bottom. FML

#20516729
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10104) - you deserved it (45119) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/21/2013 at 7:16pm - misc - by lolo - Israel (HaDarom)



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