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oomph

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oomph

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Friday 2 June 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 616
  • Number of comments : 40
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About oomph : I'm boring, kawaii and love cats.

oomph's page activity

Visits<b>Radgears47</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 10:44pm<b>incoherentrmblr</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 12:37am<b>jerryj</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 1:16am<b>TacoloverSWE</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 6:06pm<b>sdroze1389</b> - the 01/10/2015 at 1:14pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 12/25/2014 at 8:40pm<b>Murkyy</b> - the 12/25/2014 at 9:27am<b>cactusprick</b> - the 12/25/2014 at 12:50am<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 12/21/2014 at 8:31pm<b>decimater</b> - the 12/18/2014 at 9:11pm<b>sorahearts</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 7:41pm<b>MissQ</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 12:10am<b>Way2Fast8</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 12:20am<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 12:00am<b>aa1717</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 1:41am<b>Edogg215</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 7:41pm<b>Sebastian2022</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 11:56pm<b>jazzybrar</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 2:22am

Fucked!<b>incoherentrmblr</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 6:37am

oomph's FML badges

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

See all of oomph's badges

oomph's favorite FMLs

Today, I received 46 emails from co-workers who were using reply-all to tell everyone else not to use reply-all. FML

#21413067
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22949) - you deserved it (1702)

On 05/20/2015 at 2:47pm - work - by farf -

Today, I bought an expensive video game and decided to show it off and post a photo of it on Instagram. When I got home to play it, it rejected my activation key. I then realised it was showing in the Instagram post. FML

#21411390
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12088) - you deserved it (42102)

On 05/17/2015 at 9:09am - misc - by PISSED OFF - Australia

Today, my religious girlfriend convinced me to let her take my virginity. A few hours later, she broke up with me, crying and saying I was going to hell for having sex before marriage. But apparently she isn't, and she can't be with someone who "tempts" her. FML

#21397889
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32629) - you deserved it (2827)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

#21346857
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35607) - you deserved it (3697)

On 01/30/2015 at 3:16pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had a one night stand. After holding in my farts all night as is done, I decided enough was enough and to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out instead I shit myself in her bed. I was naked at the time so was unable to hide it. FML

#21346279
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29799) - you deserved it (13148)

On 01/29/2015 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my ex sent me a pack of beer to screw with me. I'm still going to AA, and I thought I was almost over it. Five bottles later, I realized I'm not. We didn't break up over my drinking, either; it was because after just 2 weeks of dating, she threatened to kill herself if I didn't marry her. FML

#21292603
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34165) - you deserved it (3322)

On 11/05/2014 at 8:57am - health - by AAnonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I confided to my grandma that I'm suffering from depression and I feel like a burden to everyone. She replied that her grandpa used to suffer from depression too, but that he'd cured himself in the end, namely by committing suicide. Thanks, grandma, thanks. FML

#21226890
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41617) - you deserved it (3920)

On 08/01/2014 at 4:09pm - health - by lacieQ (woman) - Canada

Today, I was scrubbing the bloody aftermath of a successful mouse trap off of my stove with an old toothbrush. After a few good scrubs, out of habit I put the toothbrush in my mouth while I turned on the water. FML

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, he started sucking on my breast. He ended up popping a pimple on it into his mouth. He threw up and that, as they say, was the end of that. FML

#21064527
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48442) - you deserved it (17879)

On 02/18/2014 at 2:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Virgin Islands, U.S.

Today, concerned about my daughter's recent behavior, I looked through her web browser history. I found web searches for information on how to make a bomb to blow up a "horse". I'm not sure if she's illiterate, but either way it seems I need to get her some help. FML

#20977212
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41026) - you deserved it (3993)

On 12/01/2013 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML

#20837089
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55425) - you deserved it (5045)

On 08/14/2013 at 1:39pm - misc - by NewBride (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my dentist dropped dead of a heart attack. This depressing event was made worse by the fact that he collapsed while his hands were in my mouth. FML

Today, one of my cats gave birth. My other cat responded by eating the new litter in a jealous rage, then got indigestion and vomited. I had to clean up regurgitated kittens. FML



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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