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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Friday 2 June 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1156
  • Number of comments : 45
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About oomph : Don't hit on me please.
I just come on here to read FML posts and the comments that follow.
I love cats, I love every kind of cat. I just wanna hug all of them but I can't hug every cat.

oomph's page activity

Visits<b>claudiajean</b> - yesterday at 2:06am<b>TheyKilledKemmy</b> - yesterday at 10:16pm<b>vaas90</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 6:18am<b>dakotadavisbruh</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 1:55pm<b>Rintarok5</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 1:45pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 6:49am<b>wowbuddy</b> - the 06/20/2016 at 11:26am<b>RetireEngland</b> - the 06/19/2016 at 12:25pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 06/18/2016 at 6:13pm<b>fariss</b> - the 06/18/2016 at 1:05am<b>janfleury</b> - the 06/17/2016 at 11:01pm<b>chewsef</b> - the 06/16/2016 at 7:08pm<b>slappygecko</b> - the 06/13/2016 at 7:13pm<b>delichick</b> - the 06/13/2016 at 4:10pm<b>benjamins39</b> - the 06/09/2016 at 12:46am<b>S232Flash</b> - the 06/03/2016 at 8:33am<b>tin_cup</b> - the 06/02/2016 at 4:10am<b>TrippyEyes</b> - the 05/31/2016 at 12:55am

Fucked!<b>dakotadavisbruh</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 7:55pm<b>Rintarok5</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 7:45pm<b>delichick</b> - the 06/13/2016 at 10:06pm<b>newzealand</b> - the 05/26/2016 at 10:33pm<b>Tripartita</b> - the 05/26/2016 at 6:15pm<b>AustinDenton</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 11:22pm<b>TexasDiesel97</b> - the 05/18/2016 at 7:10pm<b>tranced_</b> - the 05/18/2016 at 8:41am<b>AyeTee77</b> - the 05/08/2016 at 3:08am<b>Itineranthuman</b> - the 05/05/2016 at 9:01am<b>AnonTurtle</b> - the 04/03/2016 at 9:36pm<b>FalloutScrolls</b> - the 04/03/2016 at 8:24pm<b>heyalmao</b> - the 03/28/2016 at 4:55am<b>psmith78332</b> - the 03/22/2016 at 3:47pm<b>mjd13666</b> - the 03/17/2016 at 5:01pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/10/2016 at 12:36pm<b>snarkytruth</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 11:24am<b>tin_cup</b> - the 03/06/2016 at 5:02pm

oomph's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of oomph's badges

oomph's favorite FMLs

Today, I lost my virginity. It was painful, but not as painful as my boyfriend asking afterwards: "Um... did you use to be a guy?" FML

Today, in an attempt to spice things up a bit, my boyfriend and I discovered he takes it in the butt better than I do. FML

by anal-retentive / 06/23/2016 at 4:00pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, we ran out of our disposal gloves at work. After saying how grossed out I was about having to touch raw chicken with my bare hands, my female boss goes, "Just imagine you're touching yourself. That's what I do." Even more grossed out now. FML

by RayniDae / 06/15/2016 at 4:08pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I saw my cat licking something on the side of the road and went to check what it was. It was someone's old cigarette. I now know why she wants to be let out so often: She's addicted to nicotine. FML

by Emmaraine189 / 04/27/2016 at 10:22pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals

Today, I saw my cat licking something on the side of the road and went to check what it was. It was someone's old cigarette. I now know why she wants to be let out so often: She's addicted to nicotine. FML

by Emmaraine189 / 04/27/2016 at 10:22pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals

Today, my aunt's last words to me were, "Don't be an idiot". FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2016 at 8:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to pee in a cup. The cup almost overflowed. My first instinct was to drink some so it didn't spill. FML

by killme / 02/29/2016 at 2:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my ex-girlfriend woke up from a coma that lasted a few months. Her parents called me from the hospital shortly after because she was in hysterics that I wasn't there. Apparently she thinks we're still together, and I now have to somehow break up with her again after almost a year apart. FML

by oh / 02/22/2016 at 9:41pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, as I walked around town I noticed some guys and even a couple of girls checked me out. When I got home later I realized they probably weren't checking me out, so much as wondering why the hell I had thick black eyeliner on only one eye. Oops. FML

by Anonymous / 02/05/2016 at 2:15pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, which he was happy about, until I told him in the interest of fair play he also had to let me fuck him with a strap on. It didn't take him very long to suddenly decide anal is disgusting, with all kinds of health risks. And he thinks he's the smart one. FML

by sandra / 02/04/2016 at 8:01pm / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy

Today, I finished reading a manga series on a website I go on all the time. As I read the last page I got a huge celebratory message from the website saying I was the first one to read every manga on their site. The website opened in 2011 and has over 30,000 manga. My God, I need a social life. FML

by Lesser spotted female gaming nerd / 01/11/2016 at 9:47pm / United States (Virginia) / Geek

Today, I had a boyfriend who wanted to wait until marriage before having sex. When I came home, I realised he must have married my roommate. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2015 at 1:42am / France (Corse) / Intimacy

Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML

by sad-boing / 10/02/2015 at 5:01pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy

Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML

by Thank God I Flush Them Down The Toilet / 09/25/2015 at 9:10pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, while at a neighborhood party, my drunk mother told all our neighbors, including a girl I like, about my struggles with a micropenis. FML

by annonymous / 09/07/2015 at 4:56pm / United States / Intimacy