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omarazzam98's favorite FMLs
Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML
Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML
by Anonymous / 01/12/2013 at 3:14am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML
by poohanne / 01/12/2013 at 1:36am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by EffUrEll / 01/07/2013 at 7:58pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on a plane and realized that the woman next to me was hiding a hedgehog in a plastic container. I'm severely afraid of hedgehogs but not wanting to give the woman up and get her in trouble, I tried to stay quiet. Which led to me to quietly hyperventilate and pass out on the plane. FML
by scaredofhedges / 01/07/2013 at 5:21am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I went out to meet a wonderful woman I'd chatted with online. I did have a few fears about if she was really just some guy trying to make a fool out of me. When I met her, she really was a girl, and was happy to see me. Problem: she was actually 13. I'm 34. FML
Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML
by VampObsessed / 01/05/2013 at 12:30am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML
by idiot / 01/04/2013 at 5:13am / Sweden / Health
by Anonymous / 01/01/2013 at 1:12am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by aelia_oups / 12/31/2012 at 5:09pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML
by Anonymous / 12/23/2012 at 10:02am / Australia / Kids
Today, my co-worker had a bad cold that stuffed up his ears and nose. This wouldn't have been a problem, except that he believed his farts were silent and scentless. They were so vile, they could have killed a horse. FML
by Iknoweverything / 12/22/2012 at 3:06am / United States (Minnesota) / Work
Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 5:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2011 at 2:35am / United States / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I… Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex in his car. He got out of the car and moved to the… Today, my manager sent me a text message with a picture of Santa masturbating, with a message that…