About ollie179 : Hey there. You're most likely here because you:
1) Thought my profile picture of a pig was cute because you like bacon. Instead the pig is just a scam for me to lure you here and sell you timeshares. HAHA! Uhhh...ignore that...
2) You accidentally clicked on me instead of Perdix or DocBastard. Curse them both, they must get all the women...they must pay! Uhhh...ignore that...
3) You're a stalker. If you are a stalker I must warn you...I will find you, and I will kill you. Uhhh...ignore that...
4) You just wanna be friends! Yay! If that's the case come round my house at 1am and knock 5 times at the door. Then I'll tie you up and keep you in my basement and we'll be friends forever! Uhhh...ignore that...
5)If you don't apply to any of these things then obviously your not worth my time. Begone peasant!
If anyone does get brutally murdered then I'd just like to say that I've always thought Noor had a shifty eye...just saying...
Why am I up so early?
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Today, I was working alone in the office with my brother. He's run out of work to do, so has been singing Disney songs loudly and badly, throwing stationery at me, and just now snuck up on me from behind and wrapped duct tape round my face. It's just us in the office next week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16944) - you deserved it (2043)
On 09/08/2011 at 11:41am - work - by whyarewerelated (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend after helping him study for his ACT, giving him a back rub, and having really awesome sex with him. His reason for dumping me? He's too stressed out to have a girlfriend right now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26368) - you deserved it (2867)
On 09/06/2011 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by stupidboys - United States
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She responded by sitting on the floor, crying like a baby and screaming "WHY?" at strangers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21132) - you deserved it (8346)
Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23954) - you deserved it (2875)
On 09/04/2011 at 6:10pm - misc - by ironic driver - United States (Texas)
Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29010) - you deserved it (7067)
On 09/04/2011 at 5:36am - intimacy - by southernluxe - United States
Today, while riding the bus, a creepy guy gave me the "rape glare" and another guy repeated every word to the conversation I was having with my friend under his breath. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21497) - you deserved it (1839)
On 08/27/2011 at 7:06pm - misc - by Revalation - United States
Today, my stepbrother found my diary and read it. He then told my boyfriend how I had a crush on another guy, and no longer liked him, causing my boyfriend to break up with me. That diary was from the third grade. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32108) - you deserved it (2273)
On 08/21/2011 at 2:25am - love - by Tinkerer - United States (Oregon)
Today, my potbellied pig ate my neighbor's award-winning flower garden, that she has been growing for almost three years. She'd told me that she was bringing the judges of the competition, in which she was in line to win $300, to her house in two days. I have yet to tell her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16966) - you deserved it (11976)
On 08/16/2011 at 10:05pm - misc - by otter - United States (Washington)
Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10292) - you deserved it (29434)
On 08/15/2011 at 3:14pm - kids - by ollie179 - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)
Today, my parents heard me leaving my room at 2 am, and freaked out because they thought I was sneaking out. I was too embarrassed to tell them that I was getting food instead of having a social life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12712) - you deserved it (13545)
On 08/15/2011 at 4:15am - misc - by Michelle - United States (Oregon)
Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20405) - you deserved it (3843)
On 08/15/2011 at 2:23am - animals - by Mumbling Mutt101 (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I came home from holiday, only to find my house full of small decomposing animals, courtesy of my cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18803) - you deserved it (3452)
On 08/13/2011 at 6:22am - animals - by Ellencrazee (woman) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)
Today, I started to fall in love with my wife again. We are in the middle of a divorce. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32688) - you deserved it (14670)
On 08/13/2011 at 3:25am - love - by badass - United States
Today, I learned the hard way that taking a 20 mile bike ride with my boyfriend's family the day after losing my virginity is the worst decision ever. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31833) - you deserved it (11359)
On 08/13/2011 at 2:58am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Iowa)
Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24991) - you deserved it (3246)
On 08/12/2011 at 1:25pm - misc - by Coldsnap - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Monday 17 June 2013
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