About ollie179 : Hey there. You're most likely here because you:
1) Thought my profile picture of a pig was cute because you like bacon. Instead the pig is just a scam for me to lure you here and sell you timeshares. HAHA! Uhhh...ignore that...
2) You accidentally clicked on me instead of Perdix or DocBastard. Curse them both, they must get all the women...they must pay! Uhhh...ignore that...
3) You're a stalker. If you are a stalker I must warn you...I will find you, and I will kill you. Uhhh...ignore that...
4) You just wanna be friends! Yay! If that's the case come round my house at 1am and knock 5 times at the door. Then I'll tie you up and keep you in my basement and we'll be friends forever! Uhhh...ignore that...
5)If you don't apply to any of these things then obviously your not worth my time. Begone peasant!
If anyone does get brutally murdered then I'd just like to say that I've always thought Noor had a shifty eye...just saying...
Why am I up so early?
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Today, my younger cousin bought his girlfriend of 3 months a bunch of flowers. The only flower I've ever got from my boyfriend of 3 years is a plastic one he found on the floor in a bar. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17192) - you deserved it (2786)
On 10/04/2011 at 5:08pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I was denied a waitressing job at a local diner I have been going to for years. Due to the fact that my name is Julia. They already have a waitress there named Julie. Apparently, I would "create too much confusion." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21147) - you deserved it (1801)
On 10/03/2011 at 11:22pm - work - by Julia (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9508) - you deserved it (42337)
Today, after a great treadmill run at my gym, I noticed a stain on my clothing. Apparently my nipple chafed so badly that it bled through my white t-shirt, and I'd walked around the gym completely oblivious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20852) - you deserved it (2460)
On 10/03/2011 at 7:19pm - health - by sorenips - Canada (Quebec)
Today, while working in a jail, I had to tell an inmate arrested for domestic violence that no, he could not use his phone call to call me at home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16694) - you deserved it (1295)
On 10/02/2011 at 11:29pm - work - by Anonymous - United States
Today, after reading about seduction techniques, I wore shades and a brightly colored shirt to a club to attract female attention. However, the sunglasses rendered me almost blind, and I tripped over a step, crashed into tables, and thanks to the shirt, everyone saw it happen in glorious technicolor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6707) - you deserved it (28464)
On 10/02/2011 at 9:34pm - misc - by hardtoignore - United States (South Carolina)
Today, after reading about seduction techniques, I wore shades and a brightly colored shirt to a club to attract female attention. However, the sunglasses rendered me almost blind, and I tripped over a step, crashed into tables, and thanks to the shirt, everyone saw it happen in glorious technicolor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6707) - you deserved it (28464)
On 10/02/2011 at 9:34pm - misc - by hardtoignore - United States (South Carolina)
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27730) - you deserved it (3657)
On 10/02/2011 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by rufusthepenis - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)
Today, my car got keyed because I was parked in a handicapped parking spot. I'm handicapped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23488) - you deserved it (1489)
On 09/29/2011 at 10:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30635) - you deserved it (5195)
On 09/26/2011 at 11:35am - intimacy - by Oops (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, I was badly sunburnt even after making it a point to apply a lot of sunscreen. My coworkers thought it amusing to slap me every chance they get. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18118) - you deserved it (3121)
On 09/24/2011 at 11:22am - work - by anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was working when I delivered the standard "Hello, how are you?" to a customer. He took the opportunity to tell me about his deceased wife, his estranged children, and his anal tearing. After a while, I tried to help someone else, and he complained to my manager. I was written up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20979) - you deserved it (2263)
On 09/15/2011 at 10:38pm - work - by MrTandy - United States (New York)
Today, I fell asleep for an hour in the bathroom while taking a dump. I had to convince everyone I went for a walk during lunch since no one saw my car leave. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8513) - you deserved it (13948)
On 09/13/2011 at 2:14pm - work - by Brian B - United States
Today, after being cut out of the car, on the way to hospital in the ambulance, we were involved in another accident. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27915) - you deserved it (1387)
On 09/13/2011 at 1:07pm - health - by skitzobiatch69 - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I thought my hamster might be lonely, so I went to the pet shop and bought a new one to keep him company. The new hamster killed the old one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24539) - you deserved it (10543)
On 09/12/2011 at 9:52am - animals - by squeak (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Monday 17 June 2013
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