About ollie179 : Hey there. You're most likely here because you:
1) Thought my profile picture of a pig was cute because you like bacon. Instead the pig is just a scam for me to lure you here and sell you timeshares. HAHA! Uhhh...ignore that...
2) You accidentally clicked on me instead of Perdix or DocBastard. Curse them both, they must get all the women...they must pay! Uhhh...ignore that...
3) You're a stalker. If you are a stalker I must warn you...I will find you, and I will kill you. Uhhh...ignore that...
4) You just wanna be friends! Yay! If that's the case come round my house at 1am and knock 5 times at the door. Then I'll tie you up and keep you in my basement and we'll be friends forever! Uhhh...ignore that...
5)If you don't apply to any of these things then obviously your not worth my time. Begone peasant!
If anyone does get brutally murdered then I'd just like to say that I've always thought Noor had a shifty eye...just saying...
Why am I up so early?
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Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14019) - you deserved it (2538)
On 11/22/2012 at 1:50am - work - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9524) - you deserved it (15787)
On 10/05/2012 at 10:56am - misc - by OhMeGerd (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, although I can't dance, I decided to go to a club. A really cute girl asked me to dance, and I politely declined. She kept insisting, so I finally said okay. A few minutes in, she stopped, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make fun of my dancing, I'm leaving." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15758) - you deserved it (1418)
On 10/01/2012 at 12:05pm - love - by IcantDance! - United States (Alabama)
Today, I was at a concert. It was dark and everyone was singing and waving their lit-up phones in the air. I was having a great time, until someone snatched my £200 phone out of my hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13720) - you deserved it (7557)
On 08/12/2012 at 7:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, I had to scream for my dad to come help me, after I got my hair caught in a fan while trying to make the Darth Vader voice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6112) - you deserved it (20462)
Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8755) - you deserved it (18875)
On 07/14/2012 at 7:15am - intimacy - by zstarr - United States (Georgia)
Today, my husband put some photos of our wedding on Facebook. He named the album "FML". FML
I agree, your life sucks (23998) - you deserved it (2274)
On 06/23/2012 at 1:17am - misc - by blah56 - United States (Kentucky)
Today, after a spate of bad ones, I was in another job interview trying my hardest to give a good impression. After answering a few questions, I realized to my horror that while I was talking I was swiveling my chair from left to right like a nervous child. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13383) - you deserved it (2882)
Today, I learned a valuable lesson: Make sure you learn to swim at a very young age, or else you might end up a in a swimming class with a bunch 3 and 4 year-olds, taught by your crush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19939) - you deserved it (5174)
On 03/26/2012 at 10:51am - misc - by stupdude3 (man) - United States
Today, in the locker room at work, someone tried writing "douche bag" on my locker, and misspelled it four times before apparently giving up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17002) - you deserved it (1520)
On 03/11/2012 at 1:39am - work - by The Last One (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went to the dorm showers to use the facilities. As I was getting in the shower, I slipped and landed face first into a puddle. It wasn't water. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21916) - you deserved it (1380)
On 03/07/2012 at 11:25am - misc - by whatawaste - United States (Indiana)
Today, my new roommate told me he was bisexual. A little concerned, I opened up and told him that made me uncomfortable. His reply: "Oh don't worry, I'm only attracted to good looking guys." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9796) - you deserved it (38426)
On 03/07/2012 at 9:01am - misc - by Leland - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my drunken mother woke up after having passed out and yelled at me for ditching school. It took half an hour to explain that it's 5:00, and I've already been to school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20764) - you deserved it (1173)
On 02/18/2012 at 9:20am - health - by AnastasiyaNicholas - United States (Ohio)
Today, a hobo threw up on my car while at a red light. He then asked me for money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19520) - you deserved it (1446)
On 02/18/2012 at 1:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19522) - you deserved it (2632)
On 12/20/2011 at 11:32pm - intimacy - by bathtime (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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