Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

old09

Offline (the 10/02/2014 at 12:59am) | Search for a member

old09

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 10 September 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 1885
  • Number of comments : 144
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 32 posted

About old09 : Valve biatch
:P



old09's page activity

Visits<b>mathen</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 8:19am<b>deusetnatura</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 9:34pm<b>ironfey</b> - the 03/28/2014 at 3:47am<b>LittleTrees</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 10:51pm<b>notachinesewoman</b> - the 12/25/2013 at 2:24am<b>LAUREN_1053</b> - the 12/05/2013 at 8:57pm<b>RockUntilYouDie</b> - the 11/24/2013 at 5:23am<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 11/13/2013 at 3:55am<b>EllaJSwiftie</b> - the 10/27/2013 at 2:24pm<b>Maureenek23</b> - the 10/14/2013 at 2:08pm<b>NotsowiseSAGe</b> - the 10/12/2013 at 1:33am<b>jadeluv</b> - the 10/07/2013 at 5:01am<b>Faith13</b> - the 09/23/2013 at 12:48pm<b>DubCantStep</b> - the 09/23/2013 at 1:04am<b>kyleryo</b> - the 05/05/2013 at 4:50pm<b>Marmarfarfar</b> - the 05/02/2013 at 12:36am<b>ZoeMoe17</b> - the 02/24/2013 at 11:44am<b>Justmeedotcom77</b> - the 02/23/2013 at 8:48pm

old09's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

See all of old09's badges

old09's favorite FMLs

Today, my mother went shopping. She bought three boxes of Popsicles and a giant stuffed dog. She did not buy dinner or toilet paper. I've eaten nothing but cereal and popcorn for three days now. FML

#16369403
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32862) - you deserved it (5167)

On 05/27/2011 at 6:45am - animals - by FeedMe (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my mom intentionally puts extra butter and oil in the food she cooks for me because she wants me to be fatter than her. FML

#16355568
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53163) - you deserved it (3374)

On 05/26/2011 at 10:24am - health - by fatteningmeup (woman) - United States

Today, my mom asked if I was seeing anyone. I launched into a description of my girlfriend, only for her to interrupt, saying that she meant a therapist, and the fact that I'd just made up a relationship was further proof that I needed one. I really do have a girlfriend. FML

#16353801
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38971) - you deserved it (3396)

On 05/26/2011 at 3:53am - love - by lovingpsychosis - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, after having just cleaned my office at work, I sat at my desk and opened a can of Diet Coke, which then exploded all over my desk, keyboard, and everything else in its path. FML

#16328012
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24751) - you deserved it (7388)

On 05/24/2011 at 1:46pm - work - by Seriously (woman) - United States

Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that "it's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML

#16326196
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35604) - you deserved it (7560)

On 05/24/2011 at 9:59am - misc - by BurnedByAWaiter -

Today, my AP teacher once again accused me of plagiarism. Apparently the words "demise," "ultimately," and "rural," are too sophisticated for an 11th grade AP student to use and MUST have been copied from the Internet. FML

#16311438
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45554) - you deserved it (2825)

On 05/23/2011 at 10:35am - misc - by dumbteacher -

Today, I received a visit from a social worker. My son told his teacher I was starving him, all because I refused to let him eat pizza and ice cream for breakfast. FML

#16310426
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38955) - you deserved it (4098)

On 05/23/2011 at 7:58am - kids - by Bad Parent -

Today, I went on a blind date. When I got there, I found out that the guy was a ventriloquist and was going to use his puppet to talk to me. FML

#16291587
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35974) - you deserved it (4871)

On 05/22/2011 at 1:35am - love - by severedface (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML

#16287224
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41868) - you deserved it (5611)

On 05/21/2011 at 9:00pm - intimacy - by squirrels69ing (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML

#16286045
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8875) - you deserved it (58772)

On 05/21/2011 at 7:33pm - misc - by aridaley - United States (Colorado)

Today, at my hairdressing job, my first client of the day came in for a cut. Her hair smelled awful, and when I asked her why, she informed me that she'd gotten trashed with some friends the night before, and one of them had puked in her hair. She came to me to get it cleaned out. FML

#16271295
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32965) - you deserved it (3256)

On 05/20/2011 at 7:29pm - work - by ewwgross - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I tore up my airborne academy admission documents because my lab results weren't good enough. A few hours later, they called me to apologize for the misunderstanding, mine turned out to be perfect and they'd accepted me. They need me tomorrow with all the documents to finalize the admission. FML

#16263514
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15279) - you deserved it (37114)

On 05/20/2011 at 3:46am - work - by SkyDiver -

Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML

#16258570
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32900) - you deserved it (20243)

On 05/19/2011 at 9:38pm - misc - by Devon (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I woke up in a panic to what sounded like a plane about to crash into my house. I was so scared, I peed myself and passed out. It was just my cell phone vibrating under my pillow. FML

#16252216
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13021) - you deserved it (43609)

On 05/19/2011 at 1:38pm - misc - by esoog - United States (California)

Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML

#16248002
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11286) - you deserved it (63377)

On 05/19/2011 at 1:30am - work - by 613tanner -



FML's blog

  • On FML, it's Halloween every day
  • As you know, we never pass up the chance to open up a light beer and plunge into the depths of the FML archive to come up with some sort of theme. Most holidays, national or otherwise, are pretty well represented.…

Friday 31 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: