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old09

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old09

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 10 September 1993 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 1660
  • Number of comments : 144
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 32 posted

About old09 : Valve biatch
:P



old09's page activity

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old09's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

#19506149
425 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41819) - you deserved it (3823)

On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon

Today, at work at a gas station kiosk, a man requested a carton of cigarettes. We keep our cigarettes on a high shelf. I'm short and very large chested so I have to jump in order to reach the carton. He said, "I only come here for the entertainment" and left without purchasing his cigarettes. FML

Today, it was my first day being a full-time paramedic. I was shot in the arm. FML

#18850340
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36843) - you deserved it (2279)

On 01/19/2012 at 12:44am - work - by bad luck? - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is so low. FML

#18844596
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22641) - you deserved it (4228)

On 01/18/2012 at 2:41pm - misc - by FML - United States (Texas)

Today, I found my missing shoe. It hit me as it fell out the tree in our front yard. FML

#18711671
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19197) - you deserved it (4021)

On 01/04/2012 at 11:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my mum read a forwarded email, and is now convinced that eating processed food will make my ovaries shrink and disappear. Now she goes batshit crazy if she sees me eating potato chips. FML

#18684418
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22345) - you deserved it (2315)

On 01/02/2012 at 7:18am - health - by sohungry (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I woke up to slight memory of my boyfriend leaving for work an hour earlier than originally planned due to "excessive sweat" in my bed. When I removed my sheets and took in a deep whiff, my olfactory receptors instantly knew that his so called "sweat" was actually his urine. FML

#18642967
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25652) - you deserved it (2582)

On 12/29/2011 at 9:51am - misc - by dontpeeonmenxtime (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got hit by a car. My friends left me to get to the hospital myself. The cab was double fare. FML

#18620237
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26695) - you deserved it (2049)

On 12/26/2011 at 11:21pm - health - by Sophie - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, we found out where our daughter had been hiding her crayons. We also found out why our stereo stopped working. FML

#18619223
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21173) - you deserved it (2537)

On 12/26/2011 at 9:24pm - kids - by Peter - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I experienced the most intense pain I have ever had in my life. I was eating blueberries when my sister made a comment which sent me into hysterics. The force of having a bullet-like berry violently shoot out your nostril is more painful than it sounds. FML

#18617176
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25230) - you deserved it (3831)

On 12/26/2011 at 4:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was wanking and starting thinking about why the Simpsons are yellow, and how that came to be. I haven't been laid in 4 years and my ADD is so crippling that I can't jack off. FML

#18567252
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29428) - you deserved it (5579)

On 12/21/2011 at 1:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was working on the computer when my dad walks in, pointing his finger at me like a gun. Before I could even ask, it turns out he was aiming a rubber band at me. The doctor says I'll be able to take off my eye patch in a couple of days. FML

#18549843
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29248) - you deserved it (2227)

On 12/19/2011 at 12:03am - health - by suhleedah18 - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML

#18464488
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7782) - you deserved it (70959)

On 12/08/2011 at 10:35pm - misc - by lebato97 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML

#17589386
673 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30080) - you deserved it (49087)

On 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm - kids - by f*ckingdisgusted - United States

Today, I realized that as a U.S. Marine in the infantry, I'm more afraid to talk to girls than I am of getting shot at. FML

#17352313
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40643) - you deserved it (5463)

On 08/03/2011 at 3:40am - love - by Tim - United States



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