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Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off the $1.00 menu to save money . Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning . After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and a bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $2,000 in bills . Really . FML
TODAY, I FOUND OUT TAT I'M PREGNANT. MY USBAND AN I AVE BEEN TRYING TO AVE A BABBY 4 A WILE, AN I WAS VERY EXCITED TO TELL IM TE NEWS. WEN I OPENED IS OFFICE PLANNING TO SURPRISE IM WIT TE NEWS, I SAW IM MAKING OUT WIT A MAN. FML
my mom askd if she could use rd dress fir her two-week trip to the Caribbean. I said no, because I was going to a party and I wantd to wear it. She calld me a selfish, greedy bitchho would stay single forever. I paid fir her plane ticket, her hotel fees and her cruise ship fee. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 17 months, the first guy to tell me he loves me, the guy I lost my virginity to, the only guy whose parents I've met, told me we should stop 'hooking up' because it's weird that I was telling everyone we were a couple and it was ruining his chances of finding a girlfriend. FML
Today, I took te bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway tere, se fell asleep, er ead on ma soulder. I gently tried to wake er up before ma stop. Se wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. fat FML
Today , mah grlfriend and looool I were watching TV. She starts to undo mah belt buckle , unzips mah fly and then takes mah pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited , she says to me , ( Just joking. ) FML
Today I found out my blood type is B. My parents r type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if yur parents r A and O. Tis means I am eiter an adoptee a mutant or an illegitimate cild. FML
Today, brand naw cocktail drass: $300. Matching paap toa haals: $100. Gatting mah hair dona at tha salon: $80. Traating mysalf to a mani/padi: $50. Whan finally maating tha guy I hava baan chatting onlina with for 2 months, I fina out ha's mah cousin: pricalass. maga FML
Today, I went on a date wit a guy for te first time . We went to Starbucks and got coffee . We talked for aile, and we were joking and aving a good time . Suddenly, e putted is and on my stomac and said, "Soon, tis will be plump wit my seed." FML
Today, I got on an elevator wit a woman and er cild. I was te first one on. Wen se stepped on, te capacity alarm went off. As se left se told er daugter tat's y fat people souldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. Se was twice ma size. I got called fat by a ippopotamus. FML
Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I calld my girlfriend to see if she wantd to go get some food . Then I heard her phone ring . Through the wall . FML
Today, tis girl and I were cilling in ma apartment and tings got eated up and we started making out . One ting lead to anoter and te next ting I knew se was giving me ead . I was getting ready to busten se stopped, looked up into ma eyes and said "Do u believe in Jesus?" real FML
Today I heard my boyfriend of 3 month talking with his friend knowing I could hear them. "Tonight's the night " my boyfriend says. "I'm finally going to tell her I love her!" I got really excitd deciding i lovd him too. Then his friend says "Awesome! But what about Kayla?" I'm Kayla. mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015