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Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46908) - you totally deserved it (3958)
On 07/31/2009 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my mom and I rented a hotel room. She decided to go to bed, while I watched MythBusters. Apparently, my mom got hot while she slept. She threw the covers off of herself and pulled up her night-gown. I turned to find out that my mother does not wear underwear when she sleeps. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39517) - you totally deserved it (1899)
On 06/15/2009 at 3:45am - misc - by ZAS (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6094) - you totally deserved it (107335)
On 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13742) - you totally deserved it (27135)
On 05/25/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by wordmalfunction (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, while installing a deadbolt on my closet, I did it wrong. It closed but wouldn't lock so I had to re-install it. Sitting on the floor of my closet, I shut it to make sure it was installed correctly. I locked myself in for twenty minutes, home alone, before kicking the door down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8349) - you totally deserved it (30037)
On 05/22/2009 at 8:12pm - misc - by Erin (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9406) - you totally deserved it (35626)
On 05/20/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I called my mom while she was out of town and confessed how I have been depressed lately and thinking suicidal thoughts. After my long sob story, she took a breath and said, "OK, just make sure you don't forget to take the dogs out." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39824) - you totally deserved it (2912)
On 05/11/2009 at 2:21am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I had to pick up my drunk mom at bar. While we were driving home she thanked me over and over again and then said "thank god you have no life!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (39649) - you totally deserved it (2306)
On 05/09/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)
Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15892) - you totally deserved it (45761)
On 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so i ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When i went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12660) - you totally deserved it (58575)
On 03/29/2009 at 10:08pm - misc - by trainE - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom busted in my room to ask if I'm okay because she thought the squeaking was my crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16365) - you totally deserved it (42215)
On 02/18/2009 at 6:01pm - intimacy - by dirtyhands (woman) - United States (Florida)
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