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ohheyyitsnaomi

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ohheyyitsnaomi

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 30 May 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 863
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About ohheyyitsnaomi : www.ohheyyitsnaomi.tumblr.com

ohheyyitsnaomi's page activity

Visits<b>CTPope74</b> - the 01/02/2014 at 10:03am<b>broken_symlink</b> - the 07/25/2012 at 10:19am<b>MrBrightside21</b> - the 07/14/2012 at 6:58pm

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50 favourites

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ohheyyitsnaomi's favorite FMLs

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

#20185787
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36078) - you deserved it (3384)

On 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by julia (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was enjoying a nice bath, when one of my cats jumped up on the rim and started purring. I thought it was sweet, until my other cat ran in and body-slammed the first into the tub with me. Being a conscientious cat owner, I hadn't de-clawed them. FML

#20181270
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20882) - you deserved it (5822)

On 11/27/2012 at 2:52pm - animals - by Neutered (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML

#20174308
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31731) - you deserved it (8066)

On 11/22/2012 at 8:19pm - intimacy - by Janitoro (man) - United States

Today, a nearby volcano erupted for the second time. We were all urged to keep our windows and doors closed in case of ash clouds. My father responded by opening every window and door and shouting, "Come at me, bro!" FML

#20171802
166 comments

Today, my crush finally agreed to spend the night with me. I told my parents to act normal for one night. Apparently, "normal" is strutting around naked and acting like a chicken. FML

#20166401
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25355) - you deserved it (5314)

On 11/17/2012 at 8:34am - love - by schooyou101 - United States (Kansas)

Today, my brother decided to join me on my first date. Not only did he answer the door with a bat, he also got inside the car and sat next to my date, pushing me to the back. He stayed the entire time, and walked me back to the house. My mom laughed and gave him $20. It was a dare. FML

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

#20160628
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38695) - you deserved it (2696)

On 11/12/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by Heather - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

#20151986
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19548) - you deserved it (6367)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:11am - misc - by Squid (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend decided to invite her best friend over for a threesome. This would've been the best day ever, had I not been at work while it was taking place. FML

#20150477
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36618) - you deserved it (3618)

On 11/06/2012 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by sadness1992 - United States (California)

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

#20139786
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10177) - you deserved it (40484)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:08am - love - by Andrew (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

#20111886
522 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74714) - you deserved it (8757)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

#20110803
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33725) - you deserved it (5503)

On 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

#20110144
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27375) - you deserved it (4720)

On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I realized that my life would make an excellent meme: Nerd girl goes to college, finally loses virginity; gets chlamydia. FML

#20106351
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36541) - you deserved it (12240)

On 10/07/2012 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by Unfortunate (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

#20105380
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30514) - you deserved it (6416)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)



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