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ogoodrich's favorite FMLs
by anon / 09/09/2013 at 11:15am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, at college, we had a substitute philosophy teacher, because our professor is on bereavement leave. During his presentation, the sub managed to segue from the early works of Immanuel Kant straight into "the myth of the vaginal orgasm." I'm still shocked and highly confused. FML
by what.....? / 08/31/2012 at 7:40pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML
by techiefIve / 06/14/2011 at 6:04am / United States (California) / Geek
by bob / 02/05/2011 at 7:02am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, I unpacked in my new, non-air conditioned apartment wearing nothing but underwear, a tank top and an apron to stay cool. Later, I realized I'd crossed through the complex to my car and the dumpster many times, and arranged my deck overlooking the parking lot, without ever donning shorts. FML
by WelcomeWagon / 06/28/2010 at 4:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my 4 year old daughter was looking at a magazine cover with a well endowed model showing off her clevage. She looked at me and said, "Mommy, when I grow up will I have big round boobies like her or tiny pointy ones like you?" FML
by andy / 01/01/2010 at 9:12am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, my entire extended family was over for Christmas. I opened a gift to see that it was a fruitcake and saw everyone looking at me, smiling. This is their way to tell me that they know I'm gay and that they accept me. I'm straight. FML
by notgay / 12/25/2009 at 2:34pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by sexychica / 07/21/2009 at 1:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I was trying to get drama students to attempt to make themselves cry. I was not having any luck, until suddenly a girl burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. I jumped up to applaud, saying what a wonderful thing it is to have such expressive kids. Turns out her grandma just died. FML
by dramateach11 / 04/02/2009 at 8:37pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids?" I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML
by PicturePerfect / 03/02/2009 at 4:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and about 30 seconds in he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Turns out he already came. I call his phone - wrong number. FML
by jsw029 / 02/25/2009 at 11:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
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- Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, I was driving in a straight line on a completely deserted road in the open bush. I sneezed… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…