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offtimeguitarist

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offtimeguitarist
  • Town/Country : Sacramento, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 13880
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About offtimeguitarist : I am some random guy in Sacramento who makes music (http://www.soundclick.com/isaacdomagalski). I have a job as a lifeguard. I am for the legalization of marijuana. I support the separation of church and state. I am pro free speech, even if I don't agree with what you have to say. I think that gays should be allowed to marry. I am pro choice. I am for stem cell research. I am for smaller government and less government spending. I am for a flat tax. I am against prohibition. I prefer indulgence over abstinence. I believe in evolution. I am for nuclear energy and other alternate energy sources. That's all for now.

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offtimeguitarist's FML badges

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offtimeguitarist's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a new cat. I tried to reenact the opening scene from Lion King, where in Simba gets held up for everyone to see. The fan was on when I lifted my cat up. FML

#5990692 (42)

I agree, your life sucks (8392) - you deserved it (48261)

On 10/25/2009 at 1:18pm - animals - by stixx (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML

#5762381 (100)

I agree, your life sucks (5639) - you deserved it (29158)

On 10/10/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by BEE (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at a local club with my friends sitting at a table when some guys approached us. One of them started telling me about his recent adventures through Europe and was very interesting. Something warm hit my leg and I realized the guy was urinating on me. FML

#5744941 (111)

I agree, your life sucks (27709) - you deserved it (1528)

On 10/09/2009 at 6:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I took a look at my boyfriend's videocamera. On it were several videos of me on the toilet. My boyfriend has been hiding the videocamera in the bathroom airvent, and taping me taking dumps for the past three months. FML

#5097909 (201)

I agree, your life sucks (58557) - you deserved it (2855)

On 09/07/2009 at 2:05am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML

#5049999 (590)

I agree, your life sucks (84485) - you deserved it (17446)

On 09/04/2009 at 10:19pm - love - by mandy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

#4882481 (409)

I agree, your life sucks (52121) - you deserved it (11878)

On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. After about 10 minutes, when we change positions, he shouts: "Power Rangers - Transform!" FML

#4636801 (286)

I agree, your life sucks (48200) - you deserved it (8640)

On 08/18/2009 at 7:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML

#4499384 (286)

I agree, your life sucks (57950) - you deserved it (5695)

On 08/13/2009 at 11:23am - intimacy - by esb (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went into my part-time job at a drugstore. We always have one item we try and sell to every customer. For the next week I have to ask every person if they would like to try my nuts. FML

#4147298 (127)

I agree, your life sucks (30076) - you deserved it (2812)

On 07/29/2009 at 11:17pm - misc - by arsenic660 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, we went up for visitor's day for my son's Jewish summer camp. We don't keep kosher, but most of his fellow campers do. When we went around in the circle saying our favorite foods, he said, "my mom makes the best pork chops." We got dirty looks for the rest of the day. FML

#3799084 (109)

I agree, your life sucks (30437) - you deserved it (8918)

On 07/16/2009 at 11:02am - kids - by porkeater (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my eye started hurting with unbelievable pain. I couldn't see out of it and I asked my father if he would take me to the hospital, since it was hurting so bad. He said he had to wait for the pizza he ordered for delivery. I had to call a cab to go to the emergency room because of pizza. FML

#3498415 (75)

I agree, your life sucks (34928) - you deserved it (1624)

On 07/05/2009 at 3:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend returned from a 2 month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane, I imagined him running to me and kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer and closer, and as I opened my arms to embrace him, he runs past me saying, "BRB, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML

#3472091 (211)

I agree, your life sucks (42398) - you deserved it (6763)

On 07/04/2009 at 2:07am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. I opened my eyes to see his eyes fixed on something else. I turned my head to see what was so interesting. He was on his iPhone looking up recipes for things to wrap in bacon. FML

#3271801 (250)

I agree, your life sucks (46344) - you deserved it (5016)

On 06/27/2009 at 10:29am - love - by a_B_c_D_e_F_g (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, at lifeguard class, I played a victim while my peers strapped me to the backboard in the water. When I was strapped down, I got wood in a wet swimsuit. My hands were strapped down so I could do nothing to hide it. FML

#3271305 (222)

I agree, your life sucks (51605) - you deserved it (7014)

On 06/27/2009 at 9:47am - intimacy - by Victim (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

#3262847 (371)

I agree, your life sucks (5703) - you deserved it (82119)

On 06/27/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by notinflammable (man) - United States (Rhode Island)