offtheheezy

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offtheheezy

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 9 October 1992 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 24956
  • Number of comments : 66
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About offtheheezy : I'm down for almost anything.

offtheheezy's page activity

Visits<b>salii321</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 12:07pm<b>jdam123</b> - the 02/19/2016 at 2:03pm<b>2C0OL4SCH0OL</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 3:22pm<b>Nahpets</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 5:39pm<b>Fuaaad1994</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 4:40am<b>delfino1604</b> - the 10/23/2015 at 10:29pm<b>cdirick</b> - the 10/18/2015 at 11:13pm<b>ratman775</b> - the 09/29/2015 at 1:45am<b>MdMan2</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 8:43pm<b>kianabanannna</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 12:54pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 8:39pm<b>MrFloooo</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 9:39am<b>WH3RdUg0</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 2:21pm<b>Xx_Slayer_xX</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 11:25pm<b>zingline89</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 2:02am<b>devinthomas</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 1:17am<b>angiotensin</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 8:11am<b>wassuploves</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 10:59pm

Fucked!<b>salii321</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 6:07pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 6:35pm<b>Xx_Slayer_xX</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 5:25am

offtheheezy's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

offtheheezy's favorite FMLs

Today, as I got down on one knee, and was in the middle of saying "Will you marry me?", she answered a text message. Apparently it was more important. FML

by suckstobeme / 04/12/2009 at 5:41pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. This means I am either an adoptee, a mutant, or an illegitimate child. FML

by hedgehog5 / 04/11/2009 at 3:14pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend got the breast implants she's been wanting for the last 5 years. When I went to pick her up at the hospital she said, "Maybe I can find a guy with a real job now!" I paid for her fake tits. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2009 at 11:47am / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

Today, my girlfriend got the breast implants she's been wanting for the last 5 years. When I went to pick her up at the hospital she said, "Maybe I can find a guy with a real job now!" I paid for her fake tits. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2009 at 11:47am / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML

by aviators / 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about 5 minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom. So we stopped and she went to the bathroom. After waiting around 10 min, I decided to check if she was ok. The window was open. She was gone. FML

by dfhgblsf / 04/05/2009 at 3:15pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about 5 minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom. So we stopped and she went to the bathroom. After waiting around 10 min, I decided to check if she was ok. The window was open. She was gone. FML

by dfhgblsf / 04/05/2009 at 3:15pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke him up by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything right now, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2009 at 6:57am / Denmark (Roskilde) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend came up to me and told me we would never do anything sexual in our relationship. She said I was too adorable to take seriously in bed. FML

by Anonymous / 03/26/2009 at 12:36pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML

by douchetard / 03/26/2009 at 3:37am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

by Noname / 03/12/2009 at 5:30am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Intimacy

Today, I went to my guidance counselor and told her how I'd been fascinated with space since I was 12, had read about the universe and everything, and how I want to be an astrologist when I grow up. She stared at me for a second, before saying, "But you're... stupid." FML

by astroloser / 03/07/2009 at 11:10am / Philippines (Rizal) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was typing up a love letter on my computer. A sexual love letter. I was in a classroom, I'm the teacher, I'm gay, and my love letter showed up on the tv screen while my 7th grade students were taking a test. It was up on the screen for 15 minutes. FML

by Sad / 03/01/2009 at 4:08am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

by RustyBulletHole / 02/04/2009 at 2:53am / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, after making love to my girlfriend, I realised that the phone was on the bed and because of the movements, it called my dad by itself. It went to voicemail. My dad will soon have all the details. FML

by Maxime / 11/20/2008 at 5:19am / Intimacy