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offtheheezy

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offtheheezy

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 9 October 1992 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 24166
  • Number of comments : 66
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About offtheheezy : I'm down for almost anything.

offtheheezy's page activity

Visits<b>abdiG</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 12:19am<b>robby9917</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 9:05am<b>abattior</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 3:00am<b>plunderjarod</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 11:12am<b>mongorian_beef</b> - the 03/28/2014 at 3:39pm<b>regenerate</b> - the 03/22/2014 at 4:06pm<b>levodkamartini</b> - the 03/19/2014 at 11:30am<b>FamousPeace</b> - the 03/09/2014 at 10:14pm<b>rachaelw97</b> - the 01/12/2014 at 2:39am<b>yarani</b> - the 01/02/2014 at 1:09pm<b>music8484</b> - the 12/05/2013 at 8:56pm<b>lameuser</b> - the 11/22/2013 at 12:55am<b>random_dude42</b> - the 11/19/2013 at 8:02pm<b>epicpancakezzz</b> - the 09/25/2013 at 7:57pm<b>julian0605</b> - the 09/19/2013 at 2:20am<b>foxychik10704</b> - the 07/29/2013 at 1:06pm<b>soccerforlife_27</b> - the 06/08/2013 at 5:25pm<b>ajax_united</b> - the 04/28/2013 at 4:44pm

offtheheezy's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

offtheheezy's favorite FMLs

Today, as I got down on one knee, and was in the middle of saying "Will you marry me?", she answered a text message. Apparently it was more important. FML

#932548
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (145951) - you deserved it (9203)

On 04/12/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by suckstobeme (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. This means I am either an adoptee, a mutant, or an illegitimate child. FML

#915764
423 comments

I agree, your life sucks (162400) - you deserved it (8263)

On 04/11/2009 at 3:14pm - misc - by hedgehog5 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend got the breast implants she's been wanting for the last 5 years. When I went to pick her up at the hospital she said, "Maybe I can find a guy with a real job now!" I paid for her fake tits. FML

#913985
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61552) - you deserved it (19416)

On 04/11/2009 at 11:47am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend got the breast implants she's been wanting for the last 5 years. When I went to pick her up at the hospital she said, "Maybe I can find a guy with a real job now!" I paid for her fake tits. FML

#913985
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61552) - you deserved it (19416)

On 04/11/2009 at 11:47am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML

#853708
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90677) - you deserved it (27027)

On 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by aviators (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about 5 minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom. So we stopped and she went to the bathroom. After waiting around 10 min, I decided to check if she was ok. The window was open. She was gone. FML

#818670
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98587) - you deserved it (33756)

On 04/05/2009 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by dfhgblsf (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about 5 minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom. So we stopped and she went to the bathroom. After waiting around 10 min, I decided to check if she was ok. The window was open. She was gone. FML

#818670
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98587) - you deserved it (33756)

On 04/05/2009 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by dfhgblsf (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke him up by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything right now, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML

#796912
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80520) - you deserved it (13147)

On 04/04/2009 at 6:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Denmark (Roskilde)

Today, my girlfriend came up to me and told me we would never do anything sexual in our relationship. She said I was too adorable to take seriously in bed. FML

#620821
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (123026) - you deserved it (9250)

On 03/26/2009 at 12:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML

#618069
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33653) - you deserved it (123274)

On 03/26/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by douchetard (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

#279733
517 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53693) - you deserved it (310794)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I went to my guidance counselor and told her how I'd been fascinated with space since I was 12, had read about the universe and everything, and how I want to be an astrologist when I grow up. She stared at me for a second, before saying, "But you're... stupid." FML

#233372
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64285) - you deserved it (16215)

On 03/07/2009 at 11:10am - misc - by astroloser (woman) - Philippines (Rizal)

Today, I was typing up a love letter on my computer. A sexual love letter. I was in a classroom, I'm the teacher, I'm gay, and my love letter showed up on the tv screen while my 7th grade students were taking a test. It was up on the screen for 15 minutes. FML

#168595
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69843) - you deserved it (277295)

On 03/01/2009 at 4:08am - intimacy - by Sad (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

#7193
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38462) - you deserved it (1882)

On 02/04/2009 at 2:53am - animals - by RustyBulletHole - United States (Illinois)

Today, after making love to my girlfriend, I realised that the phone was on the bed and because of the movements, it called my dad by itself. It went to voicemail. My dad will soon have all the details. FML

#346
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35010) - you deserved it (8525)

On 11/20/2008 at 5:19am - intimacy - by Maxime - Sent from mobile version



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