offtheheezy

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offtheheezy

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 9 October 1992 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 24901
  • Number of comments : 66
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About offtheheezy : I'm down for almost anything.

offtheheezy's page activity

Visits<b>salii321</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 12:07pm<b>jdam123</b> - the 02/19/2016 at 2:03pm<b>2C0OL4SCH0OL</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 3:22pm<b>Nahpets</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 5:39pm<b>Fuaaad1994</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 4:40am<b>delfino1604</b> - the 10/23/2015 at 10:29pm<b>cdirick</b> - the 10/18/2015 at 11:13pm<b>ratman775</b> - the 09/29/2015 at 1:45am<b>MdMan2</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 8:43pm<b>kianabanannna</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 12:54pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 8:39pm<b>MrFloooo</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 9:39am<b>WH3RdUg0</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 2:21pm<b>Xx_Slayer_xX</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 11:25pm<b>zingline89</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 2:02am<b>devinthomas</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 1:17am<b>angiotensin</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 8:11am<b>wassuploves</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 10:59pm

Fucked!<b>salii321</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 6:07pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 6:35pm<b>Xx_Slayer_xX</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 5:25am

offtheheezy's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

offtheheezy's favorite FMLs

Today, after living with my mom for years to save money I finally moved into my first condo. The day after I made my first mortgage payment the sewage system back up and leaked into my bedroom from outside, ruining the carpets and the walls. I have to move back in with my mom until it’s fixed. FML

by Lelia701 / 05/05/2009 at 9:55am / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was riding my bike with my parents. They make me wear a helmet when I'm with them. Some college age kids drove past and yelled, "Nice helmet!" My mother then told me, "They like you!" I'm sixteen and my helmet is blue. With flowers. FML

by dinosawerr / 05/05/2009 at 8:42am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my ex-girlfriend's number. She texted back, "One of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML

by 1suckatL1fe / 05/04/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I was at the gym and I saw a really cute guy working out nearby. I tried to get his attention by taking off my shirt and smiling at him. When he walked over to me, instead of asking for my number, he just said "Can you please put that back on? Thanks". FML

by Gjkashldf / 05/03/2009 at 8:36pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. I started fixing my hair and unbuttoning a couple of buttons on my shirt, hoping the policeman would let me off with a warning. When he got to the car, he rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. I saw him walk back to the cop car gagging. FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2009 at 9:51am / United States (Alabama) / Transportation

Today, I was on top of my boyfriend having sex and I was looking away doing my thing. When I looked back, my boyfriend had headphones on and was playing air drums. FML

by BerryRockstar / 04/21/2009 at 1:37pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend and I were driving back to college. He broke up with me 2 hours into the 3 hour drive. I had to sit in the car with him for the last hour. FML

by 5220 / 04/21/2009 at 9:13am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt. Afterwards that doctor told me that the cyst was bigger than he initially thought, it would still secrete fluids for two weeks, and the best remedy for this was to wear a maxi-pad. I'm a guy, and am currently wearing a maxi-pad on my butt. FML

by Ian / 04/18/2009 at 10:24am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, my friend drove me me to catch the 8 pm train. Running late, we screeched into the parking lot at 7:57, stopped the car in a 'no stop' zone. I said goodbye to my friend, sprinted to my train and barely made it. Then, with the train in motion, I noticed my friend's car keys in my hand. FML

Today, I took the bus home. A bum sat next to me. Reeking with alcohol and sweat, he pulls out a pair of nail clippers and clips his grimy finger nails. With every clip, the nails would fly up and hit me. As I was about to ask him to stop, a nail flies into my mouth. I swallowed it. FML

by Anonymous / 04/14/2009 at 8:19pm / United States (Florida) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a cute boy told me I looked like a celebrity. Flattered, I asked who I resembled. He responded by saying that I looked exactly like Ugly Betty. He was serious. FML

by wishbone / 04/14/2009 at 4:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I bought a coral colored hooded sweatshirt, which my girlfriend told me was "hot". I wore it to a baseball game tonight. When it got cold I put the hood over my head, only to hear everyone behind me laugh. The back of the hood said "Boy crazy". It was a teen girls sweatshirt. FML

by khood / 04/14/2009 at 1:10am / United States / Love

Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

by meteorbabe0101 / 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML

by Hikara / 04/13/2009 at 9:44am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, the guy that I like took me on to the Cavaliers game. At the game, on the jumbotron they do a thing where they show couples and have them kiss, the camera goes on to us and as I go into kiss him he turns and says "not in this lifetime". The entire stadium got to see me get rejected. FML

by cavgirl / 04/12/2009 at 6:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love