Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

offtheheezy

Search for a member

offtheheezy

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 9 October 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 24308
  • Number of comments : 66
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About offtheheezy : I'm down for almost anything.

offtheheezy's page activity

Visits<b>angiotensin</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 8:11am<b>wassuploves</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 10:59pm<b>BigPeter</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 2:09am<b>abdiG</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 12:19am<b>robby9917</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 9:05am<b>abattior</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 3:00am<b>plunderjarod</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 11:12am<b>mongorian_beef</b> - the 03/28/2014 at 3:39pm<b>regenerate</b> - the 03/22/2014 at 4:06pm<b>levodkamartini</b> - the 03/19/2014 at 11:30am<b>FamousPeace</b> - the 03/09/2014 at 10:14pm<b>rachaelw97</b> - the 01/12/2014 at 2:39am<b>yarani</b> - the 01/02/2014 at 1:09pm<b>music8484</b> - the 12/05/2013 at 8:56pm<b>lameuser</b> - the 11/22/2013 at 12:55am<b>random_dude42</b> - the 11/19/2013 at 8:02pm<b>epicpancakezzz</b> - the 09/25/2013 at 7:57pm<b>julian0605</b> - the 09/19/2013 at 2:20am

offtheheezy's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

offtheheezy's favorite FMLs

Today, after living with my mom for years to save money I finally moved into my first condo. The day after I made my first mortgage payment the sewage system back up and leaked into my bedroom from outside, ruining the carpets and the walls. I have to move back in with my mom until it’s fixed. FML

Today, I was riding my bike with my parents. They make me wear a helmet when I'm with them. Some college age kids drove past and yelled, "Nice helmet!" My mother then told me, "They like you!" I'm sixteen and my helmet is blue. With flowers. FML

#1656975
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49730) - you deserved it (8269)

On 05/05/2009 at 8:42am - misc - by dinosawerr (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my exgirlfriend's number. She texted back, "one of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML

#1628197
360 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25956) - you deserved it (67724)

On 05/04/2009 at 3:04pm - misc - by 1suckatL1fe - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at the gym and I saw a really cute guy working out nearby. I tried to get his attention by taking off my shirt and smiling at him. When he walked over to me, instead of asking for my number, he just said "Can you please put that back on? Thanks". FML

#1607608
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17176) - you deserved it (51645)

On 05/03/2009 at 8:36pm - misc - by Gjkashldf (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. I started fixing my hair and unbuttoning a couple of buttons on my shirt, hoping the policeman would let me off with a warning. When he got to the car, he rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. I saw him walk back to the cop car gagging. FML

#1316192
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11079) - you deserved it (77223)

On 04/25/2009 at 9:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was on top of my boyfriend having sex and I was looking away doing my thing. When I looked back, my boyfriend had headphones on and was playing air drums. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were driving back to college. He broke up with me 2 hours into the 3 hour drive. I had to sit in the car with him for the last hour. FML

#1187831
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66598) - you deserved it (4243)

On 04/21/2009 at 9:13am - love - by 5220 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt. Afterwards that doctor told me that the cyst was bigger than he initially thought, it would still secrete fluids for two weeks, and the best remedy for this was to wear a maxi-pad. I'm a guy, and am currently wearing a maxi-pad on my butt. FML

#1082247
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99324) - you deserved it (5679)

On 04/18/2009 at 10:24am - health - by Ian (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friend drove me me to catch the 8 pm train. Running late, we screeched into the parking lot at 7:57, stopped the car in a 'no stop' zone. I said goodbye to my friend, sprinted to my train and barely made it. Then, with the train in motion, I noticed my friend's car keys in my hand. FML

Today, I took the bus home. A bum sat next to me. Reeking with alcohol and sweat, he pulls out a pair of nail clippers and clips his grimy finger nails. With every clip, the nails would fly up and hit me. As I was about to ask him to stop, a nail flies into my mouth. I swallowed it. FML

Today, a cute boy told me I looked like a celebrity. Flattered, I asked who I resembled. He responded by saying that I looked exactly like Ugly Betty. He was serious. FML

#973990
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54469) - you deserved it (5117)

On 04/14/2009 at 4:41pm - misc - by wishbone - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I bought a coral colored hooded sweatshirt, which my girlfriend told me was "hot". I wore it to a baseball game tonight. When it got cold I put the hood over my head, only to hear everyone behind me laugh. The back of the hood said "Boy crazy". It was a teen girls sweatshirt. FML

#963370
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18232) - you deserved it (65225)

On 04/14/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by khood (man) - United States

Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

#960425
693 comments

I agree, your life sucks (712586) - you deserved it (56224)

On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML

#946704
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (148465) - you deserved it (21666)

On 04/13/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by Hikara (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, the guy that I like took me on to the Cavaliers game. At the game, on the jumbotron they do a thing where they show couples and have them kiss, the camera goes on to us and as I go into kiss him he turns and says "not in this lifetime". The entire stadium got to see me get rejected. FML

#934076
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (132207) - you deserved it (9909)

On 04/12/2009 at 6:40pm - love - by cavgirl (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



FML's blog

  • Malec's illustrated FML
  • Life is like a box of chocolate full of piece of rabbit droppings sometimes, isn't it? OK, I'll admit that's a weird way to start an article a few days before Christmas. Let me explain: you try and get…

Friday 12 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: