offtheheezy

Search for a member

offtheheezy

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 9 October 1992 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 24950
  • Number of comments : 66
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About offtheheezy : I'm down for almost anything.

offtheheezy's page activity

Visits<b>salii321</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 12:07pm<b>jdam123</b> - the 02/19/2016 at 2:03pm<b>2C0OL4SCH0OL</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 3:22pm<b>Nahpets</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 5:39pm<b>Fuaaad1994</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 4:40am<b>delfino1604</b> - the 10/23/2015 at 10:29pm<b>cdirick</b> - the 10/18/2015 at 11:13pm<b>ratman775</b> - the 09/29/2015 at 1:45am<b>MdMan2</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 8:43pm<b>kianabanannna</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 12:54pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 8:39pm<b>MrFloooo</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 9:39am<b>WH3RdUg0</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 2:21pm<b>Xx_Slayer_xX</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 11:25pm<b>zingline89</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 2:02am<b>devinthomas</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 1:17am<b>angiotensin</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 8:11am<b>wassuploves</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 10:59pm

Fucked!<b>salii321</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 6:07pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 6:35pm<b>Xx_Slayer_xX</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 5:25am

offtheheezy's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

offtheheezy's favorite FMLs

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

by jrocks / 05/19/2009 at 1:06pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

by jrocks / 05/19/2009 at 1:06pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

by wtfdreams / 05/17/2009 at 8:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I went out on a first date with a cute guy. Turns out we won't be going on a date again because I didn't know the difference between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek." FML

by not4geeks / 05/15/2009 at 5:17pm / United States (New York) / Geek

Today, I went out on a first date with a cute guy. Turns out we won't be going on a date again because I didn't know the difference between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek." FML

by not4geeks / 05/15/2009 at 5:17pm / United States (New York) / Geek

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for a year finally said she'd go out with me. On the way over to pick her up, she called me and said she'd couldn't go because she was going out to dinner with her ex-boyfriend to talk things over. She asked if she could use the reservations I had made. FML

by FriendsZone / 05/15/2009 at 4:44pm / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, my cell phone rang while I was still asleep. I picked it up, half asleep, only to find it was a wrong number from some guy. Three minutes later I receive a text message saying "Hey, you sound cute..." from the same number. I looked to see if he was local. I'm that desperate. FML

by paprgrl421 / 05/13/2009 at 1:14pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had a massive argument with my boyfriend in which he called me stupid repeatedly. I stomped out of his house and sent a very angry text to my best friend about him. She didn't text back. Then my boyfriend texted. 'My girlfriend is so stupid she can't even text the right number.' FML

by rawkdinosawr / 05/09/2009 at 11:48am / United Kingdom (London) / Love

Today, I was kneeling down at work to do some cleaning. My co-worker said, "Oh don't your knees hurt, kneeling like that for so long?" Without thinking how it sounded, I said, "Oh no, it's not a problem. I'm on my knees all the time." He's yet to stop hitting on me. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2009 at 2:43am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I texted a girl who I had hooked up with the night before to see if she wanted to hang out again. She responded, "I think we should keep it the way it was, before last night." I just met her last night. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2009 at 7:37am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

by eeh / 05/07/2009 at 10:45am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML

by schmoodles / 05/06/2009 at 8:20pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

by Familyskank / 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2009 at 2:04am / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML

by anonymous / 05/05/2009 at 10:17am / United States (New York) / Love