offtheheezy

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offtheheezy

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 9 October 1992 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 24858
  • Number of comments : 66
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About offtheheezy : I'm down for almost anything.

offtheheezy's page activity

Visits<b>salii321</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 12:07pm<b>jdam123</b> - the 02/19/2016 at 2:03pm<b>2C0OL4SCH0OL</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 3:22pm<b>Nahpets</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 5:39pm<b>Fuaaad1994</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 4:40am<b>delfino1604</b> - the 10/23/2015 at 10:29pm<b>cdirick</b> - the 10/18/2015 at 11:13pm<b>ratman775</b> - the 09/29/2015 at 1:45am<b>MdMan2</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 8:43pm<b>kianabanannna</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 12:54pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 8:39pm<b>MrFloooo</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 9:39am<b>WH3RdUg0</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 2:21pm<b>Xx_Slayer_xX</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 11:25pm<b>zingline89</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 2:02am<b>devinthomas</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 1:17am<b>angiotensin</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 8:11am<b>wassuploves</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 10:59pm

Fucked!<b>salii321</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 6:07pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 6:35pm<b>Xx_Slayer_xX</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 5:25am

offtheheezy's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

offtheheezy's favorite FMLs

Today, we were working with infant and adult CPR dummies. After practising flawless CPR on the adult dummy, I announced "And that's how you save someone." Then I tripped on the baby dummy and fell. My co-worker stood up and yelled out, "And that's how you kill a baby." FML

by DUMMIE / 03/03/2010 at 7:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my girlfriend feeds her boogers to our dog. Sometimes she even makes her do tricks for them. FML

by btg / 02/06/2010 at 1:27am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML

by Morrowindwhore / 08/10/2009 at 6:22pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Intimacy

Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2009 at 3:18pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent causing the girl to scream and runaway. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

by Baggabbles123 / 06/08/2009 at 7:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

by OhGeez / 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy

Today, my best friend whom I have been in love with for years, called me, proposed, and confessed his love for me. He was at a noisy bar so I asked him to call me back later and we'd discuss it. He called back later, hungover, with no recollection of our conversation whatsoever. FML

by Baby_girl / 06/05/2009 at 10:14pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, my best friend whom I have been in love with for years, called me, proposed, and confessed his love for me. He was at a noisy bar so I asked him to call me back later and we'd discuss it. He called back later, hungover, with no recollection of our conversation whatsoever. FML

by Baby_girl / 06/05/2009 at 10:14pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I was looking at the skeleton of a human male that we have in out biology classroom. I picked up the hand to examine the bones in the finger, and had the sudden realization that this is the only time that I have held hands with a boy. I'm a junior in college. FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2009 at 3:44pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice "oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

by alexis89 / 05/26/2009 at 12:53pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my wife and I watched a documentary film about a kid living with severe asthma. In one scene, the kid has a severe asthma attack, and is rushed to hospital. My wife started laughing hysterically at this and after apologising, goes "it's just he sounded exactly like you in bed." FML

by Weezylover / 05/26/2009 at 4:24am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

by helloitsbrian6969 / 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML

by honeymoondisaster / 05/23/2009 at 12:44am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my best friend why she didn't ask our other best friend Anna to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She said, "She's too pretty. I need ugly bridesmaids to make me look better." I am the maid of honor. FML

by Neverthebride / 05/22/2009 at 6:21pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking in Walmart and this cute guy walked by me and winked. I thought he wanted to talk so I followed him around the store trying to catch up. Turns out it wasn't a wink, he had something in his eye. And he told the security person that a weird girl was stalking him. FML

by liz / 05/21/2009 at 7:46pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous