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oathkeeper99

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oathkeeper99
  • Town/Country : Solihull, England
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1900
  • Number of comments : 29
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at a pet store cuddling an apparently overaggressive chinchilla when it decided to bite me and run out of my hands. It is now nowhere to be found and I have to pay for it. FML

#13886609
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17656) - you deserved it (8346)

On 11/18/2010 at 10:34am - misc - by alltimelove -

Today, my boyfriend asked me to meet his parents over Christmas. I was ecstatic. But there was one condition: I must go dressed as a girl since he hasn't worked up the nerve to come out to his parents yet. We've been dating for over a year. FML

#13876675
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38517) - you deserved it (12014)

On 11/17/2010 at 1:16pm - love - by neverdateaclosetcase (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me a magic trick. He filled a bowl with wine, pushed it on top of the ceiling using a broom stick, and held it up there. He told me to hold it and left. Taking my hands off the broomstick would cause the bowl to fall on my expensive new suit. Eventually, it did. FML

#13851970
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24488) - you deserved it (10653)

On 11/15/2010 at 10:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was mad at my mother. Why? We went to parent-teacher interviews, and she told my math teacher that she should allow bathroom breaks because I have a "very heavy menstrual flow." My teacher suggested I eat more red meat. They got into a seven-minute argument about this. FML

#13746005
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28884) - you deserved it (2269)

On 11/07/2010 at 12:04am - health - by noname (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend in the dark, he grabbed onto a fat roll and asked, "Is this your stomach or boob?" I didn't have the heart to tell him it was a back roll. FML

#13741680
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18642) - you deserved it (20521)

On 11/06/2010 at 6:37pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my friend and I dressed up as dice for Halloween. The rest of the night consisted of us, harassed by drunks asking, 'Can we roll you around?' and constantly being shaken. FML

#13648251
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7519) - you deserved it (20422)

On 10/30/2010 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Japan (Tokyo)

Today, I decided to let in my new German Shepherd puppy inside to show the guest how adorable he is. In the middle of our conversation, he came running up to us with my vibrator in his mouth. FML

#13611565
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19851) - you deserved it (11260)

On 10/27/2010 at 3:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, before a big client pitch I went into their office bathroom to quickly slick down my hair. It had two identical automatic faucets, one for water and one for hand soap. Now my hair is full of soap, and smells like industrial strength lavender. FML

#13548383
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7123) - you deserved it (23586)

On 10/22/2010 at 9:26am - work - by soapypete (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got fined when my fat dog decided to walk across a private film set to get at the catering area. FML

#13433237
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17827) - you deserved it (8616)

On 10/13/2010 at 11:28am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I got fined when my fat dog decided to walk across a private film set to get at the catering area. FML

#13433237
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17827) - you deserved it (8616)

On 10/13/2010 at 11:28am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I was working with some shelter puppies transporting them to the vet's. I got all of the puppies in but one, and when I went to pull him out, I realized he had gotten car sick. Before I could stop it happening, he wagged his vomit-covered tail and hit me in the face. FML

#13123963
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20298) - you deserved it (2532)

On 09/20/2010 at 2:13am - work - by sandra - United States

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

#13026235
417 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28831) - you deserved it (26808)

On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, my daughter asked for a dollar to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck while I was on my computer working. Out of my wallet she took a fifty dollar bill. The ice cream man got a big tip before driving off. FML

#12935900
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24306) - you deserved it (14018)

On 09/06/2010 at 4:26pm - kids - by BrokebyKids - United States (New York)

Today, I finally decided to do regular biology rather than honors biology, thinking honors would be too hard. My first day in regular biology, my lab partner asked me whether a rock was alive or not. FML

Today, my Mom felt the need to walk around school and tell everyone to be nice to me because I just started my period. FML

#12616520
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49200) - you deserved it (2733)

On 08/19/2010 at 12:12am - intimacy - by Jordid - United States (Colorado)



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